Tag Archives: Quotes

From Where I Stand

28 Mar

Spring has come and gone.

It’s getting hot hot hot.

Too hot to now get out for a casual stroll or even for essentials.

It seems like only I’m standing still and the rest of the world couldn’t be moving at a faster pace.

The air hangs around languorously, still almost, quieter still.

My body is slowly but surely showing signs for the need to align my diet to become more summer friendly.

I will still always be a dal chawal girl and no salad can make me feel otherwise.

Everything looks and feels very certain even in all this present uncertainty. How?

There is no grass to compare shades of its greenery to. I guess it’s a good thing.

I’m not missing Facebook. It’s been 28 days and there isn’t even a hint of wanting it just yet.

From where I stand, it looks like a path for me to walk on has been created, I’m very certain of that. What that path is or how I’m to find it, is what the grey area is. Sometimes this quest for that path leaves me sleepless, tossing about and wondering exactly where it is that I’m supposed to go. Like I said, I’ve never felt more certain in my life even when I’m steeped in my present uncertainties. It was only when I was told by my husband’s friend and his friend’s wife about how brave it really is to leave your all – job included – and just move lock, stock and barrel, did my perspectives on being so harsh on myself change. I’m not as worried about getting a job, because that’s the easy part, really. 

From where I stand today, and while so many things remain unclear, the one thing that couldn’t be more evident is the fact that I can say no to whatever it is that I do not want. Breaking off has that advantage, I’m gradually beginning to realize. When you are at a time and place where all your peers, friends and people your age are climbing the many ladders they choose to climb or are compelled to climb, the rat race suddenly seems even more urgent, more necessary even…just so there is conformity, there is a routine, there is a sense of identification.

From where I stand, it looks like everything is so still and so fast-paced simultaneously. This mind-bend, this illusion is transitory, I hope?

This quote featured on a blog which I haven’t been able to find ever since (so annoying!) made me ease up, breathe better and relax. It isn’t just a mere coincidence to come across something you need to see…there are signs everywhere, and they come to each of us when we’re too lost or too blinded to see…a belief I hold very dear to my heart…enough to find immense truth and gratitude in it.

 Learning: Look straight ahead. Wear blinkers to alleviate your blindness.

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Timing

27 Mar

This has been on my mind for most of today. Today was one of those days where all I wanted to do was nothing. I wanted nothing in exchange for thoughts, conversations, quietude and the need to just be. It was one of those days. And I don’t see that as a bad thing. Sometimes you really want nothing in exchange for all that you’ve got, all the baggage you’re carrying, all the thoughts you’re playing on loop in your head. Nothing; that sounds good. Emptiness seems appealing. The need to figure what you’re made up of, what walls comprise you and what binds you becomes more than just a need. Because we carry trash. So much of it. All the time. I don’t know why. I don’t know how.

How is timing connected to all this? It’s because I believe there’s a time for everything. Yes, everybody loves saying that, especially when you’re being placated, but yes, timing is it. There’s a time for every single one of us to shine, to fall apart, to rise, to progress, to take five steps behind…there’s a time for everything. There’s a time when we also realize what we need and what we do not need. There’s a time when we realize we’re more important than we think we are. Because there’s a time when we realize this:

Why does it feel so good to get rid of things? To unload, to let go. Maybe because when we see how little we actually need to survive, it makes us realize how powerful we actually are to strip down to only what we need, to hang on to only what we can’t do without, not just to survive, but to thrive.
Dr. Meredith Grey
Grey’s Anatomy (Throwing it all Away, S10)

There’s also a magic in timing because things come to you when you need them, if not need them the most. And so this came to me today. Because I needed to hear a fictitious television show tell me the truth. I love this show because it has some of the most powerful monologues/dialogues/moments that are real because they feel real and stem from reality. Because if I’m here, writing this, talking about how this makes sense to me at this very moment, then it matters. In fact, it more than just matters.

Letting go, sometimes by force and sometimes by chance, is just one of those things that has to be learned simply because we suck at it. Or let me rephrase that to talk for myself; because I suck at letting go as easily as I would like to. But I’ve tried (and still am) and it’s the best thing ever. It’s the best thing to really, really, not care without vengeance or vindication. It’s liberating to walk on without any strings attached no matter how hard memories and associations pull you back, and repeatedly so. It’s important to break. It’s important to break, to disengage, to move. But, unfortunately or fortunately, it doesn’t come easy. It needs effort. It needs doing to undo. It needs so much hard work.

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But it helps to survive. Because when you take in that breath of fresh air, you feel so alive, so independent, so light. And really, the feeling could be addictive. You need that nothing to feel that breath of fresh air. How can we ever breathe if we’re choking? Through this all, the only thing that’s constantly being reaffirmed is the importance of you; your self. If something doesn’t fit even after trying, it’s got to go. Because it’s important to survive and thrive for your own self. And there’s no selfishness in that. There never will be. Even shadows disappear when we throw light on us the right way.

Here’s to timing and the magic it has lying around every corner, because really, every skipped piece of rock you thought was a part of you may have perhaps just been the stepping stone you needed to move and find what you’re really meant to find.

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All photographs are courtesy the author.

Music + Monday =

5 Nov

I’ve been caught in a weird entangled web of crazy thoughts, bungled up emotions, stark realizations and a stubborn writer’s block. Maybe that’s because there is so darn much to always say, and sometimes at such an intensity that there’s literally a traffic jam right here in my head. I’ve drafted 4 posts since morning, all of which have resulted in hitting the ‘save draft’ button. I’ve spent my time wallowing in music and trying to crawl back out of the web but to no avail. I sincerely hope this post makes it out, more because I need it to. And if it does, then music will have had a large part to play in it.

I’ve been hooked to this song since morning by fluke because I’ve never heard it before and neither have I many associations with the artistes save one. Here’s a listen for those of you who enjoy progressive stuff.

I started off by writing about things the past few weekends have taught me, in bullet points at that to make it easier to sort and express. I wanted to talk about forgiveness, about watching your back, about seeing things for what they really are, about taking chances and jumping off the edge when you’re really at the edge to see what it actually feels like rather than ponder/anticipate what it could possibly feel like, about emotions and I wanted to particularly write about something I will talk about in a bit. I wanted to write, to have those words just collapse out of my fingers and fall into place here. I gave up. I went on an online reading spree till I could tolerate it no more for I prefer picking that book up any day. You know how the web is – one site leads you to the other to the other and to the other – right? Well, I stumbled upon these few lines which literally surged me to come here and try writing again.

Some of your griefs you’ve cured – the worst you have survived. But oh what heartache you endure for the troubles that never arrive…” is one such I chanced upon on the comments section on her blog post. It immediately took me back to one of the farewell messages my professor had posted when we were graduating – “Our worst fears are those that lie in anticipation.” How true is that? Also, how uplifting is that to know you have a choice? A choice to choose happiness, joy and peace over anguish? It makes me very hopeful about a lot of things.

But the darned dry spell continued as more posts got sent into the draft and not the publish section. Somewhere along, a search for the artistes of the track I was hooked to made me chance upon these lyrics from a song by one of them, which are:

Love until it hurts
Love until you feel
Sadness in your heart
Sorrow you must heal

Love until it hurts
Love until you find
All that’s left to give
Is everything you live for

Sometimes you hurt more than words can say
Melting on the inside
Living every moment of the day
Love until it hurts you all the way
Love until it hurts you all the way

Love until it hurts
Love until you bleed
When you know it’s real
Love is all you feel

Love until the stars
Are dancing in the sky
Lighting up your life
Showing where the truth lies

Sometimes you love more than words can say
Shaking on the inside
Living every moment every way
Love until it hurts you all the way
Love until it hurts you all the way

Love until it hurts
Love until it breaks
The emptiness you fear
Decisions that you make clear

Love until it hurts
Love until you free
Memories of the past
No longer meant to be here

Sometimes you need more than you can say
Sinking on the inside
Longing just to hear the words we say
Love until it hurts don’t fade away
Love until it hurts don’t fade away
Love until it hurts you all the way.

Before I knew it, I was here and writing this post out. The lyrics blew me away not because they are extraordinary but because this is exactly what I’d begun my day writing about. Stretching yourself in ways you cannot possibly imagine.

What has this year taught me? Even though there are 2 more months to go before the year really closes and gives us all a brand new start, I write about this now and not on 31/12/12 because I found my brand new start this year. Sometimes you learn the most when you’re absolutely and blissfully unaware of the lesson you’re right in the middle of. Like I’ve been saying all this while, a lot happens and in all probability, you weren’t even watching. And heck it did. A lot happened when I wasn’t looking. And when you have that wave approaching you square in the face, you kinda freeze and let it wash over you. You either drown or you fall and stand back on. You’re either struggling to breathe still or dead within. You make choices in that surge because you never made them earlier when you weren’t looking as everything passed you by. Now or never are not options anymore because when you’re taken by storm, you either hang on or vanish.

And that is what I wanted to get off my chest. This year has taught me to stretch myself like I never have. When you push yourself to your highest emotional limits, you really get to see what’s within you. When you love till it hurts that much, you know what that relationship actually, really took and meant. When you’re overcome by silence despite the desperation to scream and tell the people who matter what you think and feel, you know how overpowered you really can be. Emotional stretching – you get to know how damn elastic you really can be, how flexible you want to be, where your boundaries lie, where you’re willing to compromise and where you’re willing to go that extra mile. Love till it hurts, really. Because you’ll never really know what it was worth otherwise.

When you lose someone or choose to let go of someone; someone you loved beyond comprehension; you really only figure things out just about then. I guess that’s what they call being taken for granted. And I guess that’s what it takes to figure where you really, really, really stand in the grand scheme of things. It takes much loss to know what you’ve gained all along. There just has been no other way. None whatsoever. That’s one of the biggest lessons 2012 has taught me – to see how far I can go not with anyone else but with myself. And something tells me that this is just the beginning.

And music had more than just a darn huge role to play. It’s not so much the song that hit me as much as the lyrics did. Here’s the song nonetheless for those of you who, again, don’t mind progressive trance.

Those lines

28 Aug

“Destruction leads to a very rough road

But it also breeds creation…”

– Californication, Red Hot Chilli Peppers.

 

One of those lines that hit me today.