Tag Archives: Parents

In Ma’s Words

13 Sep

I got an email from ma today; a precious letter filled with everything that symbolizes my mother. She has a way with words and now it’s evident that she thinks and talks in poetry. Something told me I’d find an email from her in my inbox after that heavy previous post of mine; though I wasn’t so sure given how she’s at work despite the sorry state of affairs Bangalore is in. Here are some of her words because there’s no way I could or would want to paraphrase them. They’re splendourous with a capital S.

Love you!!  I thought that its rather ambitious for either of us to
sit down and pen letters and post them though I pretty much want to do
it. The joy of receiving letter is so huge that I dont know how I will
feel to get one. I open the letter box to only get insurance papers or
BSNL bills..

This phase of being alone with both you and sam now on your own
journeys has been of sorts. The small corridor from the living room to
the bedrooms looks so deserted but I begin to listen to peals of
laughter of you and Saby and Sam springing out of his room and asking
me hey mom do you want to order something?. These memories that should
make me sad are so precious that I would never allow them to be greyed
with sadness. Time has flown just as it flies for everyone and I don’t
rue it. I like being alone as if its a joy. I am joyful that you both
are now living your lives with the small battles amid big victories of
self discovery.

Even as it’s difficult for you to change not because you dont want to
but because you dont wish to attribute to others for the change know
that in change lies the universal destiny.. You will always belong to
yourself and years from now you will realise that it was you
chartering your path most often with fellow travelers and often times,
alone. Make every day a day of personal discovery and celebration.
Watch the birds in your balcony as they nest or fly for food..the
trees that are still and suddenly burst in a rhythmic dance..the sky
that turns blue,grey, orange and a dull pink before retiring for
night..the moon and the million stars…

… find yourself and
your laughter; with your friends, in the books that you read and
mother nature. Be the child born to freedom.

I love you.

—-xxxx—-

I told you so.

Have you picked up the phone and said I love you to your parents?

Have you ever felt so rich with just words?

Isn’t it the best feeling ever?

The Puzzle And Its Pieces

12 Jul

With the past few weeks culminating in a very busy weekend, the most I could do come Sunday night was pass out by 9pm and wake up feeling like someone still had that energy-sucking straw stuck in me, the next morning. But when your once packed and routine-filled day suddenly frees up, one doesn’t really know what to do or how really to celebrate this blessing that is free time. And so I let the day flow by languorously, feeling rather odd and out of place; lazily picking up laundry that needed completing, disassembling that growing mountain of unfolded clean clothes that needed folding, and easing into that much needed head massage and head bath, as some sort of consolation prize…because head baths cannot be rushed, you know?

I’ve realised, after all my excited celebration, that it doesn’t rain in this city. Or rather, this city, it seems, is the last to see rain. The clouds just hang around all day like a tease you just don’t want to see anymore – because stationery clouds only mean unbearable humidity. I’ve never, ever seen an unwillingness to just rain and give us some relief, than over here. Of course, the husband says that once it rains, the flooding thanks to the city’s so called drainage system, makes you want to not see water. Oh well.

Yesterday was all about spending time with my family who stays here and with my aunt and uncle who are visiting for my uncle’s chemotherapy. It was a wonderful day filled with conversation after conversation, interspersed with laughter, madness, lots of nail painting, mango snarfing, ice cream gobbling, chai, food, and of course, photographs. There really is no better remedy than finding joy, solace, comfort and love in these small moments. A lot of it involved drawing my uncle out to talk about all that was on his mind – his childhood, his love for food, his stories which eventually led to him speaking about his pain and letting us in on his journey, his battle. It’s a nasty battle and one that is beyond gruelling. But that’s me just skimming what lies on the surface of it all. Sometimes it is important to not shun talking about suffering, pain and hurt. And so we talked and I learned a little more about his journey, his perspective, his understanding – there can be no other way to learn about somebody’s walk than from their own selves.

In the midst of it all, I’ve no idea how time passed us all by. There we were, yapping about the good old times like they happened just yesterday, and here we are now – all of us grown up, our parents inching towards retirement; their faces masked behind the veil of post retirement insecurities and fears, the unanswered questions of what lies next and where they’ll end up – there’s so much we leave unsaid, so much we do not talk about and push under the carpet for that tomorrow which isn’t far away. It really puts things into perspective and makes me look within to see where I stand and just how far I am from handling my duties and responsibilities. It’s real and it’s just around the corner. To not think about it and address these concerns is that sort of denial that’s pleasant to live in – because which child ever wants their parents to grow old? – except it’s that sort of denial which comes with a limited period offer tag. This time warp is an illusion and one that needs snapping out of, immediately.

It really puts our entire life cycle in perspective, especially when faced with the realities that lie ahead of us. They said getting married by a certain time was a good idea and they make sense even now. No, we do not need anyone’s support to get by, because like ma says, humans are born to strive and survive; humans make it through and that’s why we are the species that we are. But to have someone by your side doesn’t indicate weakness or incapability; far from, actually. A time comes when the pieces of this unfinished puzzle start falling into place. All those unanswered whats and whys automatically wither away… I’m beginning to learn that not everything has a verbal answer to it, as I once assumed and very vehemently believed.

Spending time with family and spending time with one’s own self helps put things into place. Whether it’s the continuous circle of life or the endlessly rotating wheel, it’s evident that movement is mandatory. Life goes on and will do. I’m certain no amount of banners, sloganeering and vociferous posts on social media can do a thing about it.

I believe it makes sense to walk on, because time really isn’t stopping for anyone. There’s so much to do, so many things to say, so many unfinished businesses to close and move on from, so many i love yous to say, so many laughs to share, so many kisses to savour…there are just too many things to be done; some good, some unpleasant, some ugly. But the promise of moving on is one that life makes to each of us and it’s an eye-opening one for sure.

*Update – the rains have arrived.

**Latest update – the rains have vanished.