Tag Archives: Inspiration

150: Zero Going On 150

30 May

I remember when I hit 50 posts; it was sometime in February. It felt surreal, almost like I had achieved the impossible; so low are my expectations from myself. But to be honest, those 50 didn’t come easily – there was a heady mix of struggle, doubt, creative inertia, blankness, and a lack of inspiration that I had to tackle with on a regular basis. That apart, and because blogging somewhere also boils down to the number game no matter how much a blogger denies its importance to them, my numbers were (and still are) not up to the mark – basically my content and blogger behaviour was just not attracting the readership that I desired. (It still isn’t, but that for later). However, (and I also mentioned this somewhere), there were many a time when I needed to show myself the mirror and remind myself of the purpose of this journey and who I was really embarking on it for. Shifting perspectives did help, because here I am, low numbers and all, at 150 posts today.

There are so many takeaways that I have from this experience already. Apart from the ones I have written about here already; where I celebrated one month, introspected a little at 90 days, looked back at a 100 days, and also fell into the pit of self-doubt regarding this concept of overfeeding, today makes me feel all this and more. For example:

I am grateful for me, for the time I have taken out to invest in this, for showing up, and just motoring on irrespective of everything else that tried dissuading me from going further. During this journey, I have realised the importance of genuine and conscious self-gratitude. Somehow this has become invisible, something that was kept on the back-burner for later which was then conveniently forgotten. Being thankful to everyone, everything, and one’s own self is mandatory because we are, ultimately, a part of this scheme of things, works, and circle too. This act of a simple thank you, minus any frills or falsities has made me realise the significance of genuine, ego-less thanks and the necessity for self-love for self-growth to take place. It, I think, stemmed from one of these marriage memes I saw on FB somewhere; something on the lines of “a marriage requires filling before it can be fulfilling”, which I analogised to this for myself “you cannot give if your cup is empty.”

The other thing I have learnt is that narrowing down my focus to a day at a time really helps in the long run. It has helped me get less overwhelmed by the large and looming fear of a three-digit number when I focus on just one. I hope I can imbibe this in the rest of my endeavours too.

On looking back, the road seems seamless, faultless, and just so smooth. Of course it doesn’t take a fool to realise that this wasn’t, in fact, my reality. But what I am going to take away from this is that no journey is hard if you show up and decide to take it forward; that roadblocks were made to make you slow down either to take in the view better, or to bring you back to humility that we might have not seen flying out the window.

I have become more observant, more fluent in my channels of expression, more comfortable with the way I express myself, less perturbed by comparisons and numbers, more confident in my own capabilities, and definitely more patient with my faculties. If it wasn’t for this, I wouldn’t have come this far. Now if only I can keep this drive and focus going.

Lastly, it has made me feel more secure about myself. When I bring the mirror to me, I am reminded that this is something I am doing for my own self – irrespective of the numbers it may or may not garner as per my desires. This has reflected in the smallest of things which have brought me joy – that my readership is stronger than a promotional hit on a social media platform, that I have a dedicated bunch of faithful readers (with my mom taking the cake for this), and that I feel purposeful, almost humble as a writer/blogger for being able to achieve this. Quality over quantity, I remind myself. And that is exactly what we have given each other, dear reader. I wouldn’t have come this far if it wasn’t for this collective effort. For that, I do thank you, most genuinely and consciously, too. :)

144: Inspiring, Everyday People

24 May

I woke up with an unexpected sense of inspiration this morning; once I could muster getting myself out of bed i.e. As I waited for A to get ready, I logged onto Instagram where the source of my inspiration grew deeper and richer. As is with most things social media, a trail sketched itself across the profiles I flitted past till I found what made me stay, and feel like it was a good morning to wake up to indeed. For those of you who have been reading my posts, and for those of you who haven’t, here’s something that has really found a nook in me and settled down very comfortably in the momentum of my thoughts and curiosity – the entire experience that is the Himalayan expedition. I’ve written about it here, here, and here when I got hold of Jon Krakauer’s book “Into Thin Air” after obsessively watching the movie Everest, which, upon further investigation, I found him trashing completely. But I’m thankful for the trail nonetheless. It was serendipitous then, and still is, today, when I clicked on the Instagram radio button and found the magnetism of the Himalayas drawing me to them, yet again.

It’s already been a while since Himalayan expeditions began for the year 2017, with many attempting a successful summit experience during this spring-summer window. Now when I find people talking about this, I feel more (theoretically) knowledgeable and aware. In fact, when BBC confirmed the collapse of the famed Hillary Step the other day, I felt oddly zapped by the new monumental hurdles alpinists would now face; not that hurdles defeat them, and not that the Hillary Step and the peak itself were not enough. Of course it also made me frown in the face of this global-warming destruction we’ve brought upon ourselves, but it seriously seems like we need something more drastic and severe to wake up. Anyway, and moving on, today I found myself following two people who are right there as we speak; and one of whom I found fascinating because of how profoundly beautifully and simply he expressed his thoughts and emotions coupled with the most breathtaking photographs.

Cory Richards; photojournalist at Nat Geo, swirled me into his world of words and expressions in an instant and so effortlessly as well. If my fascination and borderline obsession with the Himalayas wasn’t enough, along came this person who gave my perceptions, beliefs, thoughts, and curiosities a space to free-flow and merge into what was that ray of same inspiration I felt brightening up my morning today. Here are his words that made me feel heard, understood, capable, and not alone.

“Surrender is a funny thing. We do it constantly without thinking…when we board planes, get in our cars, or cross the street. We surrender to each other blindly all the time. Surrender in the mountains however has a unique texture. We stare up, calculate the risk, and surrender to the potential consequence. A decision is made to engage with fear and move with it. Fear is rooted in the future…an idea of something that could occur. In that sense, that which we fear isn’t real. The goal then, is to surrender to both the potential consequences and the sensation of fear. Only when I embrace it rather than fight it, am I able to move through it.”

If there was any fear holding me back, it felt more loose and less destructive. And that’s maddeningly insane coming from a normal, everyday guy, sitting somewhere in the Himalayas sending vibes to thousands of people scattered across this planet of ours. No?

Here’s his most inspirational and true (to him) story on Nat Geo as well, in case you’re interested. Enjoy. :)

111: Choosing Battles To Pick

21 Apr

…and almost all of them have got to do with fighting for my self.

Saying no, without the blink of an eye.

Standing my ground when necessary.

Drawing lines in markers so that they’re starker, darker, more ingrained.

Maintaining boundaries.

Letting go and learning to give in to leniency whenever I can.

Shutting off with an aggression, because nothing else works.

Risking tip-toeing into the softer side of just being.

Therefore, easing off on that rigidity.

Applauding myself when everyone and/or everything is silent.

Respecting myself.

The last one, I realised, will happen when I stop to consider myself, to give myself a second thought, glance, and chance. That everything me starts and stops with me.

I’ll say these practices are helping. :)

Happy Friday! :)

52: Everest

21 Feb

There’s always been something about the mountains that has drawn me to them. It was only till very recently that I arrived at this insight, or even found my answer to this question I was asked in casual conversation sometime ago – are you a mountain or a beach person? This awareness also arose when I was winding my way across a range of them, not so long ago. The arrival of this answer came without conflict or second thoughts, even. It was plain, simple, uncomplicated, and unprecedentedly obvious – I was always, it seems, a mountain girl. It’s astounding how some answers seem to always be around; marked, perceptible, and in plain sight most often. Perhaps it was the role of time which lends this search a hand. Anyway, I had the answer, and I scoffed because it was so unbelievably obvious. A lot of me always concluded that I was a beach bum; after all who doesn’t love the experience of being sprawled on balmy, coral beaches? Heck, my entire idea of romance revolved, and still revolves around beaches, sea sunsets, and sea breeze. Nowhere in my fantasies or desires did I ever imagine wooden floors, fireplaces, snow, and stews! Beaches, it always was. On the other hand, I associated mountains with physical activities, which were predominant during my school-going days. A visit to the mountains always included treks, nature walks, rock climbing, and every single other activity that didn’t spell comfort, excitement, or even happiness to me. For someone who has a fear of heights, as much as she does of water, visits to beaches didn’t enforce any encounters with these fears, as our mountain trips did.

Yes, I was a complete ignoramus even when these weird connections and associations with the mountains were enormously present throughout my life. For one, I do not have a bucket list of places that are imperative for me to visit; in fact, I have just three that I desire to see; of which all of them are related to the mountains. A lot of me thinks it’s some sort of an enigmatic spiritual calling. The more I analyze these thoughts, the greater they pull me towards them. For example, and I cannot explain why, I have this fascination with the Himalayas. This enchantment, I’m certain, stems from no religious foundations, because I have none, when it comes to religion. But there’s a magnetism to this entire experience which makes it progressively inexplicable, and more intense as time passes.

When A first told me about the place he comes from, and consequently over many more conversations we had before and after we got married, the one coincidence that shone out to me was that these magnanimous mountains could be seen in plain sight from his home. I saw it in his photographs, and I saw it in his eyes and expressions. However, whenever I’ve visited home, they’ve either been shrouded or fractionally visible, unlike their usual track record. If I were to lead these incidents on, I’d say that maybe I’m meant to actually visit them at their feet and not from afar. If I was to be spiritual, I’d say they’ll call me when we’re ready to meet face-to-face. If I was serendipitous, I’d lay everything in the hands of time. Perhaps it’s all, or none, or a twisted amalgamation of all three.

A couple of weeks ago, I chanced upon the movie Everest, which I’d been meaning to watch when it released in 2015, but couldn’t. To say that it absorbed me completely and wholly, would be an understatement. I proceeded on to catch this same movie twice more, by chance, I promise, and watched it again. Every watch taught me something new. Every watch felt like it was the first time. Have you seen it? Do watch it. I proceeded on to reading up about it, and about the many auxiliary topics that revolved around it. My search led me to read up about the incident in itself, about the tourist season, about the climb, the experiences, the attempts, the failures…in fact, it was just yesterday when I watched the interview with Beck Weathers; one of the survivors of the 1996 incident who miraculously made it back to the camp after being left to die/considered dead for two days. If there’s one consistent fact that highlights itself, then it is that this range of mountains, has in its keep, a plethora of lessons for every single person who crosses paths with it. The evidence of this is beyond doubt or contest. Of course everything in Nature has a lesson to teach us all, and that’s unarguably true. It’s just about where, when, and via which means, these lessons make their way to us.

I urge you to watch the movie, even if you’re not into the Himalayas, or a fan of the mountains. It’s undoubtedly inspirational on all counts. Yesterday saw me randomly browsing the internet (I actually wanted to shop), when I came across Jon Krakauer’s book “Into Thin Air”, which I now want. He was one of the participants and survivors of the 1996 expedition which took the lives of many; and also has to his name another fantastic work of art titled “Into The Wild”, which was adapted into another movie that moved and worked on me in indescribable ways. I’ve written about it, here. They all speak of life, and most importantly, of its journey.

Someone great did, after all, say that life is not about the destination, but its journey.

23: When KWK Inspired Me

23 Jan

I just watched the KWK episode with Priyanka Chopra, and I think I’ve found a new role model to add to my list. Oh well, my notes, because I don’t have a list. I’ll admit to never really having liked her, not as an actor because I think she can act, but because she was everywhere, and in a way, that was annoying, and something I didn’t want in my face constantly. But some good has come from this couch show, and I think it’s that in all these years, and through all the things that have been said and not said about her, it was a breath of fresh air to hear her talk.

She made me realise so much that I’d either chosen not to see or missed seeing or was simply latent in me. It also got me thinking about the impact that portrayals can have on our perceptions. By that I mean, not once in all these years of her crossing the seas and breaking concrete, did I get to see from her words, her voice, her thoughts, or even in her silence, a glimpse of her reality. This noise so far, has only been that – noise. And perhaps it was a different kind of noise thing, because maybe that’s how it is abroad. We Indians are super noisy about a lot of stuff too, but in different mannerisms. But I’m not here to talk about cultural differences or white noise or even noise. What I saw on television, and keeping in mind that it was indeed a television show, I felt more realness speak than I’ve ever seen. She is yet another woman who is par strengths that so many of us dream to possess or realise we own.

Watching her on television today made me feel so good, and so proud, all together. How can a person, especially a woman, not feel good about seeing another out there, achieving things that, let’s admit, we at some point have wanted to do for ourselves? I won’t take the liberty to speak for anyone but myself, and I will confess quite matter-of-factly, that she has what I dream of having. And in that identification, I found inspiration. I aspire for goals that are my own, but which come from that same universal dream of getting there, being successful, and owning that success. Who doesn’t want that, after all? I fear failing, and I hate losing. Bumpy roads bring the demons out in me, as much as the awareness that most often success ironically mandates standing out, and therefore standing alone. Thinking of these things scare me, and therefore I do not allow these thoughts to gain strength or even a voice. I don’t think I’ve ever been so really moved and prodded by an episode on tv, except that gratitude/thanksgiving one on Oprah those many years ago.

The Priyanka Chopra I saw today, brought forth the many things I idolise in my world view, and maybe even reminded me to never put them on the back-burner, like I have in some cases.

Be busy working hard, and smart. Make no room for thoughts that debilitate this effort.
Never show the world the chink in your armour. Remember that you’re not perfect, and move on.
What is an obstacle now, will in time, and with experience, be water off your back. (I love this one!)
Each of us has our demons, which in turn have their own voices. Know when to let them talk, and when to silence them.
The world will always talk, irrespective. Keep walking. (I follow this, and believe in it a 100%)
In versatility lies the key of progression, just as change is always constant.
Boundaries are definitive in maintaining best health.
Silence is gold, even when it’s most tempting to give away.

Of course she’s said a lot of things and I’m clearly, but unapologetically bowled over. Enough inspiration and influence for one day, no? :)

15: Fortunate Fifteen

15 Jan

Ooooh yeah baby, I’m so glad to be here, and to have made it to the halfway mark of this month. Speaking of which, I think it took incredibly long to get here, no? Maybe I’m still hungover from the speed of 2016, to settle in to the pace of 2017, which seems to be going slower somehow. However, I’m thankful that my mind and will held it together and didn’t fall apart at the beginning, like most journeys towards goals end up in. To those of you who are new here, I’m referring to this goal I’m working towards with some amount of earnestness and a lot of excitement. :) Irrespective of the abysmal lack of viewer/reader participation, which I’m trying not to be affected by, it’s been a rewarding 15 days so far…”write for yourself, and your goal”, is what I tell myself when I see zero comments haha! But there are some precious readers who do take the time out from their busy days to come and read, and that makes every single difference to me. Thank you, dear reader. :) Blogging becomes even more fruitful when you know you’re being read, it truly does.

I honestly didn’t have a plan or structure about this post; only that I came back after a break from writing the 14th post because I needed to soak in some much needed sun, which wasn’t going to wait for me (it really is quite cold, and sitting in the sun has been lifesaving). Nevertheless, as I began writing this post, I found what I wanted to do with it, so yay! :) Here are fifteen things; observations, learnings, insights, and thoughts; that I’ve decided to mark on my 15th post of 2017.

Kindly note: I talk/write in third person not to preach or sound preachy, but because I automatically seem to talk to my own self when I’m writing. :) You’re free to sponge this gyaan if it makes sense to you.

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A lot of my 2016 was spent in a zone of conflict. Owing, but not limited to, my experiences as a child, a considerable part of me always took the middle path; the safer one, to be precise. I always wanted to be safe and secure, maintain peace and harmony, and steer clear of dissension and disagreement as far as could. It did come at a huge cost, which I realised much later in the day. I didn’t rebel or question, disregard or break rules as a child through to adulthood. Being in the good books of authority figures gave me the validation I dearly needed; because adults know best, right? Except, when it was time to stand on my own feet, and make decisions that only I had to make, I found myself floundering…because which adult/authority was I to please, how would I get my validation if I even dared disagree with the people I’d looked up to all my life, what would I do if people were not happy with my choices? It was a trap I’d fallen into and one I still am in; and one that people know how to take advantage of. I don’t promote mindless rebellion or conflict, but steering clear from learning to agree to disagree was a mistake I’d made too many times. As a result of which, I didn’t have healthy boundaries, comprehensions, and the perception to think for myself. I’m still caught in the tangles of that web, a situation I don’t see my generation of the family facing at all, and it takes a lot of effort, grit, and thick-skinned-ness to achieve. Standing up for myself and my choices has come at the cost of isolation, judgement, and slammed doors that were shut in my face for defying the authorities that I did. But I’m beginning to feel strong about this, and very aware that my validation comes from my acts and not from pleasing people, so it only means good stuff, right?

This was a long point, and the first because I’ve been in the throes of it for sometime now. I hope the next fourteen are going to be as succinct as many of my relationships ought to be. Haha!

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Be kind to yourself. Yesterday, while sunbathing, the girlfriends and I indulged in a little conversation that ranged from cigarettes to boys, marriage to society, housework to cooking. Yes, I think we women really know how to get down to things, quickly. It was then that this concept of our core came up. Someone considered their core to be their parents and siblings; after all they’re the ones who really stand by you through hell and back. I agree with her. But to me, and I mentioned it there as well, I believe our core includes us first. Like ma says, you can only take care of things and people, if you take care of yourself first. What a lady of wisdom (and drama), this motherly of mine is. So yes, be kind to yourself. Give thanks to yourself. And love yourself.

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Take life ahead one day at a time. Maybe you knew this, and maybe I had a hint of this, but I never put it in practice because it was so obvious I thought I was doing it. Except, I wasn’t. So one day at a time is a mantra I chant before I panic.

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What your parents say isn’t and may not always be your bible. Learn to think for yourself, and act according to the situation.

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FUCK SOCIETY, baseless relationships, and whatever it is that does not work for you. Stop swimming trying to find treasures in this dead peoples’ society.

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Stop thinking, start feeling. Heart, over head. Moments, over analysis. Feels (in today’s urban jargon), over thoughts. Haha!

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Overthinking does not pay even if you’re an ace at it. Tell your mind to stfu whenever you can.

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Breathe. Deep breathe. And spoon out that junk from your system with each breath you take. Also, don’t forget to say good riddance, while you’re at it.

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Cooking has made me a calmer person, when it’s not a chore. Don’t ask me what I am when it decides to become a chore. :P

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Letting go is as easy to do, as it is to say. Just stop giving a shit about so many people, situations, and things. They really don’t know you’re giving so much of a shit about them, and I highly doubt they even care.

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Happiness is my steaming hot bath in the morning, my cup of tea peppered with titbits from the newspaper, and sunbathing, off late.

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Peace is especially overrated if it’s coming from someone else’s mouth. Find what works for you, make it happen for you, and relish it when it sweeps over you.

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Don’t fight when you’re hungry. Also, don’t go hungry when in a fight. It’s the most destructive and unnecessary ego battle. Besides, didn’t fire need fuel in the first place?

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Tandoori chicken, leftover pizzas straight from the fridge, teacakes, soups and dals, and coconut chutney are my true loves. They make me happy like spinach makes Popeye sing, literally.

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Lastly, love resides a lot in the unexpected and lesser in the expected, more in the unsaid and less in the said, more in what you might overlook and less in all that you search for it to be in. True ya. Basically, I’m learning that ruination lies in expectation. :P

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Best of the day to you! :)

9: A Few Of My Favourite Things

9 Jan

In this journey of trying to find myself and who I really am, there have been quite a few pathways that have appealed to me more than the others. It’s an interesting turn of events, or phase of life as it were, to examine where you’ve come from, where you presently are, and where you’re headed. Of course the guarantee and promise of concrete answers is negligible most often, especially when you’re desperately seeking them, but not entirely elusive altogether. Or that’s what I’ve come to believe. I’ve found many a light not when I was in darkness, but when I was either transitioning or was in light itself, and there have been many eureka moments when they were least expected…sometimes during a shower, sometimes during a fight, sometimes during a walk, sometimes while cooking…quite a few were missed because I wasn’t watching or wasn’t perceptive enough, but too bad and tough luck. Some reflections were rather obvious, some more inconspicuous…it was when and where I picked them up that gave these much needed insights a fuller context, and padding, as required.

While moving along, here’s what I’ve discovered are a few of my favourite things:

Solitude. I thrive on it, because it’s mine and mine alone. Whether and what I choose to do in my company, is my own prerogative, my headache, my fruition.

Moments. Whether it’s while I’m sitting down with a cup of tea or my food by myself, or while watching tv with A, or just making a fulfilling omelette; each moment speaks of its own spark and energy, each gives me a little bit of itself without expectations or judgement. And there’s so much to savour with what they have to give.

Art. There’s a satisfaction in creation which welcomes everyone in its grace, life, and magic, like nothing else does. I find art in cooking and baking, vegetable shopping, and my morning cup of tea – from making it to drinking it – apart from the obvious others of writing, painting, gardening, music, and movement.

Stillness. It’s gotten me so very far, this one. And it’s also been the hardest to nurture and incorporate. Stillness in my thoughts, emotions, mind, functioning, chaos, without falling apart…I’m far from where its absolute magic resides, but it’s all a part of the journey.

Silence. I come from that thought which mandates me to speak up, stand up, be seen for what I think, believe, or do. I don’t mean this in an attention-grabbing way at all, but in a way which makes you accountable, even if publicly so, for your actions. I will fight a battle if it rages inside me, I will break loose if the floodgates are too much to bear. But I’m a lover of silence, and honestly believed to have incorporated it in my life, till I was so wrongly mistaken. Being silent didn’t mean keeping quiet, it meant picking what to speak up about, and letting the rest rush past you without affectation or chaos. This was the difference I didn’t quite understand till very recently. I find it hard to pick my battles because I cannot keep my mouth shut, and this really is a secret favourite I hope to imbibe. It’s clear that it needs a predominant and paramount level of investment and effort, but here’s to trying and making it through, one word less at a time.

It is at this point when A, if he were to be reading this, would swoop right in, look at me, and tell me to not think so much…that everything I’m trying to tame in me comes from overthinking. This would’ve made me argue to prove a point, but before I’d speak, I’d have to acknowledge that there’s more truth in this than not. No?

6: Forward

6 Jan

I’ve never experienced a bigger black hole than overthinking. I’m an expert at it, by virtue, and because I have so much time at hand. One of the main reasons I left my very lucrative job as a counsellor was because it mandated me to think not just for myself but for the other party too. I loved it, and I still do; counselling i.e. It came naturally to me, academically and practically, until I came head on with this mountain which I couldn’t conquer. How could I possibly help someone else if I didn’t know the art and skill of disconnection? My family urges me to take counselling on again, because it’s such a lucrative business to have. But I know it goes beyond just that at so, so many levels. Maybe someday, once I’ve figured how to summit this one out, if at all, to be realistic.

I find myself falling into this excruciating trap of thinking and overthinking more often than not. As much as I once proudly considered myself to have intellectual tendencies, I firmly steer clear of them and that thought today…because there’s nothing more degenerative to a moment than breaking it down till it stops making sense anymore. Nothing. I refrain from meeting or speaking with people who intellectualize. And very actively so. It has led to a drastic metamorphosis of many a relationship, but one’s got to look out for themselves, as selfish as that sounds. This world does have too much negativity, armchairism, and labelling to go around amply.

I’m a believer in reason, action, hard work, and learning. I’m a believer in things happening for a reason. I think love, laughter, and hugs have indescribable powers. I believe in magic wholeheartedly, I seek it and incorporate it in my worldviews. I think kisses are pathways for so much of the unsaid to be transferred and shared. Hard work is compulsory, in my understanding of things. I also have a very skewed understanding of the hard work relationships require to exist, forget thrive. And I think I live in an ideal world hugely inspired by movies, and everything unreal. I’ll let you imagine what the consequences of that perspective do to me on a regular basis. It isn’t pleasant or exciting, to say the least. The disappointment is most hard-hitting and painful, when it strikes.

But I’m learning, I’m clasping on to any rope of help and support that keeping overthinking at bay throws my way. I’m mostly underwater and breathing in painful amounts of chaos. But I haven’t drowned yet. I think I’ve learnt to stay afloat a little better from where I was last year. And that’s all I need, to move forward. That’s all I need.

Learning About Love

16 Jun

It looks like I’m in the mood to write today. There is a tonne of work to be done and it’s not much of a surprise that it’s been kept aside, yet again. It’s a fact that I’m a procrastinator and that working under pressure seems to be the fuel I need to finish a task and to achieve a goal. But how much pressure now feels uncertain given how I’ve wasted my time away instead of doing the things that need to be done. And I’m not even talking about that pile of clothes which needs folding and hasn’t been approached/tackled since forever. It’s good to not care sometimes, because you want your spouse to help out with some of the housework before you end up doing it all without leaving any for them to do. But at the moment, it’s more about not caring than about implementing spousal domestication – haha – because I’m stuck at that ‘thy mug brimmeth over’ feeling since yesterday, which I wrote in my previous post.

I actually came here to write about this love business because I guess it’s a good time to tap into this aspect of life when one is feeling peachy and rosy and unperturbed by that pile of laundry, unwashed vessels and other more important tasks at hand. It’s a good time to forget about priorities and talk about love, because the pessimist in me used to firmly believe that love is for fools and that love makes us weak and foolish. No, I’m not judging anyone for being in love or for showing/feeling love…I’m just a very normal pessimist who prefers to prepare for that dark cloud rather than bask in the glory of some golden sunshine, happy honeybees and chirping birds, as it were. It’s no surprise who the fool here is, but never mind.

But, because that coffee from yesterday has been so elevating (ahem), I only see blossoming roses, chirpy birds and that stray honeybee today. It has also brought me to write this post and so I shall begin…sorry for the massive digression and thank you for your patience if you still are reading this post.

I’m no expert in love and never have been, as you’ve read and gauged so far. But over the course of the last few months, I’ve learnt the following about love and about learning to love. Of course, the journey of discovery and enlightenment continues and I have a long, long, long way to go. But here’s what I’ve figured, so far.

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Love is when you’re bloody pissed off with the person but still manage to do the things you know will make them happy without hitting them on their head.

Love is being able to express your feelings, thoughts and emotions without being judgemental or without judging.

Love is frayed hair, bushy eyebrows, forested hands and legs and no makeup that elicit responses and actions that make you feel normal.

Love is also having to state how funny, terrible, not presentable the other is looking when required.

Love is being able to fall asleep to that snore you found too loud to begin with, unless of course you’re too tired to care.

Love is about learning when to let go and when to hold on.

Love lies in communication.

Love is about acknowledging the small things we do.

Love is a big fat argument or fight that settles down in a calm and practical conversation.

Love is comfortable silence.

Love is grilled chicken and vegetables and love is certainly a well-made sandwich that is savoured in silence.

Love lies in honesty, no matter how hurtful it can be.

Love is a tight hug that you may or may not have asked for.

Love can sometimes be found in irritating the other. Sometimes.

Love lies in acceptance.

Love also lies in constructive feedback and sometimes, criticism.

Love is about being blatant.

Love is about being no-nonsense.

Love is about being firm.

Love lies in kindness.

Love is a talk you really needed.

Love can be found at the end of a scream, if you care to listen.

Love can also be found in the voice of silence.

Love definitely lies in insurance policy nominations.

Love sometimes lies in unforeseen possession.

Love is a walk like none other.

On A Day Like Today…

16 Jun

…when I don’t have anything to particularly crib, complain, act aunty-ish or adult about, I find myself turning to the playlist I’ve come back with after visiting my younger cousins. It’s nasty, sick, woah and catchy; all in one. Here’s what I’m currently trippin’ on and I’m sort of shocked, sheepish and extremely conscious of a) grooving to this kind of music, and b) sharing it. After a couple of trials, I finally found a version that was okay to share despite how outrageous the lyrics even are. It’s a scary world out there, I tell ya. And the things youngsters listen to/are exposed to today is even more scary. There, I just had to aunty it up somehow. Here it is; this blasphemous yet catchy tune that’s caught me in a trance like spin.

 

Moving on to more interesting things, the craving for a really strong and earthy cup of filter coffee made itself present yesterday. So I decided to fix myself a stiff one and have it for lunch given my caffeine sensitivity – my night sleep gets disrupted if I have a cup of tea (forget coffee) after 3pm, especially on a weekday when I really need to keep my sleep routine intact. However, because Murphy exists, the same case does not apply when I consciously have a cup of tea post 3pm on a weekend just so that I don’t become an aunty and head to bed by 930pm. This world has a strange way of functioning; it’s laughable.

That said cup mug of coffee happened and it had me from the first sip. It is hearty, warm, comforting and enveloping to be cradled and swathed in the feeling of having a really, really, good cup of tea or coffee. Nothing else matters in that moment, really. Do you also feel that way? Thy cup brimmeth with all things good and maybe that’s why I’m in absolutely no mood to care about the rest of the world even a day after that caffeine intake happened. In fact, today’s morning tea sort of felt insipid which is not how I wanted my day to start – but like Monica once said, I’ve lost the will to scold…except in my case, I’ve lost the will to care. My mug brimmeth over.

The weather is slowly turning but the heat isn’t. I’ve no idea when it will, and again, I’ve given up. The trees and plants around me do look fresher and greener but when it comes to living in NCR, it all feels like an illusion because the next day goes back to looking like no storm even took place. I might as well imagine that we live in a desert what with dust storms taking over. And that’s exactly what happens here. Our hour long flight dragged on for over four hours thanks to a dust storm that seized operations all over IGI. And while we were descending to land, once the strong winds and storm had subsided, it still felt we were going through a roller-coaster ride. I kept peeping out of my window whenever I could open my eyes, only to find sheets of rain illuminated every time the aircraft’s lights flickered – it looked so scary and monstrous that it reminded me of those fake scary sets old movies used to have. It was scary, in a very dramatic way. Bangalore seems so calm and collected, in comparison. So proper.

But it’s a good day to just let go and not think, worry, overthink, fret or even comprehend too much. And I’m going to do exactly that. Have a fabulous Thursday, folks!