Tag Archives: Gratitude

Day 6: Pivotal Unhappiness

6 Jan

I read a headline on my fb wall in passing, courtesy a friend, which spoke about the business of perennial unhappiness. Of course I now wish I’d saved it for later, but neither did I click it open to read, nor did I bookmark it for further exploration. If I were to go by the title, I’d presume its content was primarily based around how the world thrives on all of us being incessantly and constantly unhappy. I didn’t give it much thought back then, like I do 99.9% of the times when I see my feed. However, it did stick on to revisit me from time to time; perhaps because I think it’s the most real and truthful statement I’d read in a while.

Come to think of it, everything today does seem to run on our need to want something, to fish into this endless depth of perceived nothingness and perpetual have-not-ism. Maybe that’s why we’re constantly trying (so hard now) to actively catch moments and whatever it is that makes our world seem a little more sunshiney and happy; in a somewhat desperate attempt to convince ourselves that yes, we do have something. It’s strange how we’ve digressed (?) from where we started. Doing nothing was normal, engaging in even the most mundane was exciting and something to look forward to, being bored was the gateway to more interesting avenues of simple and uncomplicated discoveries…and none of it was a big deal. There was no parading of this sense of being, no platforms were stood on and boasted from, none of it felt fake or fragile. In fact, it was matter of fact, usual, and blatantly extraordinary in its casualness.

A lot of me doesn’t understand this constant need to show, talk, prove, highlight. It just doesn’t make sense. I reckon that’s why we even had someone write that article anyway – being unhappy is a trend, a business, a way of normalcy connected very directly, in my opinion, with the fear of being happy. I know I’m afraid of being happy, or at least talking about it to the world. Coming from an intensely private sense of self, I find it almost alarming to speak about my experiences, which people around me seem to do so effortlessly. A check-in here, a photograph there, a few hundred likes here, the display of very private moments there. At the cost of sounding judgemental, which certainly isn’t the intention or idea, I feel rather misplaced and not up with the times. And of course I have this added fear of expressing my states of happiness and being. Something really seems amiss.

I do hope to find that article and then share it here. In the mean time I sincerely wish this pivotal unhappiness goes out of business for good. We’ve got a lot going and maybe it’s best to use one’s time more wisely than thinking about all that we do not have. And what a fabulous outcome that’d be, no?


Day 2: Life’s Littlest Things

2 Jan

I decided to treat myself to a trip to the mall yesterday. It’s not the first on my list of places to visit, but when it’s the safest and most (logistically, physically, and environmentally) comfortable option, it’s not one I shy away from. Besides, I’d been wanting to go, walk around, window shop, and vicariously enjoy all the things I cannot buy just yet (like those sparkly pumps that I’ve been drooling over since forever).

It turns out that most of the city was in the same mall yesterday – I had (unsurprisingly) miscalculated and thought I’d sneak in a visit when it was at its emptiest best, except 1st January seems to sadly be a holiday for all and sundry (except my husband). Besides, I was already tired the moment I entered that ginormous place. Unexpected crowds of all types + tiredness was surely going to be fun. But march on I did; right into the masses who had come to shop at the endless EOSS (End Of Season Sales) that are on, sight-see, click selfies, pose near promotional Audis, openly hold hands with accompanying partner/lover without the care of snoopy aunty-eyes, and what have you. It’s nice to people-watch discreetly, no?

The ultimate reward was to obviously be a food treat at the end of it all. When I’m visiting on weekdays and get delayed, it’s a hearty bowl of soup. When it’s a Friday evening, it’s usually a toasty cup of coffee. Going anywhere has to be accompanied by a food experience, by default. I’d spend the entire tortoise-paced afternoon subconsciously planning what to treat myself with, except I was clueless at the end of it (as always) when it was time for A to pick me up. My instinct led me straight to Starbucks and right to a coffee and toffee nut cold coffee with whipped cream on top (which I hadn’t asked for, but still welcomed).

It’s not a big deal, you know? Cold coffees were always a done thing. But I cannot remember when I had one at an outlet the last time. It turns out that 2017, and perhaps most of 2016 didn’t really feature a cold coffee in it. What a strange thing to happen, indeed. However, there I was, beginning my year with something I love, that really isn’t a big deal at all. I did begin coughing again (having just recovered from a nasty viral), but some things are best taken with a pinch of salt and warm water, left to be overshadowed by smaller, greater joys. Life’s littlest things are indeed the greatest of things and I never imagined a glass of coffee with my name spelt correctly on it (another first) to be it. :)

147: Thank God For…

27 May

Fridays, of course.

And then,

the simple things in life,
having choices,
and a voice.

Thank God for

having someone to share them with,
and then some laughter and sparkle.

I’d like to even thank God for

everything I’ve been given and not given,
for reason, good judgement, for having a spine,
and for being able to be exactly who I want to be.

Thank you. :)

114: Manic Monday

24 Apr

My posts are increasingly a review about the days that come and sometimes crash into me or days I mostly walk into with some sense of chaos. I hope to work on that and write more about meaningful things, except the only meaningful things that occupy my mind are that of school and class-related work. It’s something I’m working on.

Before reflecting on today, let me quickly reflect on the embarrassment that was yesterday’s RCB match. I’ll assume they have a menacingly dense grey cloud holding fort right above their heads, because there’s just no other explanation to that. I mean I actually have no words for the joke of a nightmare that experience was. But I’m an RCB girl, and I’ll just have to give my team the best vibes and thoughts I can. FOOLS.

Today was about learning, throwing myself out there a little more than I’m used to, and tackling fear by its horns. It turns out that rushing head-on into a fear sort of dismantles it instantly. I was left feeling victorious, empowered, and so silly for being afraid of something I’d obviously magnified in my mind over the weekend, and therefore consequently wasted so many brain noodles on this stress.

There’s a palpable joy in accountability, in watching someone, even if it is one person, turn to you and say thank you with genuineness. Sense of self and confidence intact, gratitude patches even the most fulfilled souls. Maybe this is what keeps teachers going despite the cruel hell their daily life can be, on an okay day. Maybe it is about being a little more than a forgotten speck whom the world walks past. I don’t know, and I’m not sure.

Meeting students fresh out of their board exams, students I’ve never met before, and students who looked at me as though my being there made a difference to them (even though talking about an exam is the last thing anyone wants immediately after a paper), was an eye-opener today.

Every single day is a new day, and every single day brings forth an opening leaf with fresh lines to read, learn, and cherish.

75: Small Things

16 Mar

I’m a collector of small things in the guise of (what most normal people would consider) trash or scraps (to be kinder), and memories, of course. I’ll leave the former out for now, because you really don’t want to know about the tissues and leaves and sand and other random stuff I collect for “memory’s” sake. However, here are some of the smaller things I’ve completely fallen head over heels in love with, only because they’re more precious to me than anything else.

Going all the way to the railway station with A even if that means studying enroute to prepare for my class the next day only because I love going on drives with him the most.

Falling asleep on his lap by chance (I passed out at an odd 8pm last evening, which I hope is the last and final after effect of the stuff we had on Holi).

Sitting with each other every morning; him poring over the newspaper, and me asking him to share news updates with me as he reads, while we sip our tea.

Couch-potato-ing as we watch tv series together.

Chatting with each other till we fall asleep. Wait, I’m the one who chatters away, and he, I think, secretly sleeps in between. :|

My favourite has to be waking up to a cup of tea made by him. Of course it’s another thing that it isn’t delivered with love in bed, but that I’ve to drag my ass to the table to get it. :P

7: Namaste To Yourself

7 Jan

Here’s a snippet of all things strong, healthy, positive, and progressive. I don’t have role models in my heart’s keep because I cannot idolize people for a strange reason. But if I ever was to have one, it would be her on many counts. She speaks to the person in me, the woman in me. She challenges the cynic and negative in me. She throws light on the realist and wannabe optimist in me, she really does. But most of all, she gives me the space, courage, strength, and hope to believe in myself.

And these words were exactly what I’ve been desperate to hear, which I’m sharing with you, dear reader.


It was just yesterday when I came across this most simple yet gratifying concept, and thought – of giving thanks to yourself, always. For someone who berates herself more often than not, criticises herself for not being strong or confident enough – all patterns of the two conflicting versions of myself (one which I really am and one which I idealize myself to be) – encountering this uncomplicated habit was quite uplifting. I mention it in tandem with Michelle Obama’s speech because I believe that every journey, every attempt, and every move begins with one’s own self. And it beats me how a lot of us never give ourselves that pat on our back, that extra glance in the mirror, that appraisal without feeling selfish or self-centred. I’ve no idea what or which day I’m waiting to do this for and to myself. Absolutely clueless.

I’ve shared this image before but cannot seem to find it on my blog for some vague reason. Here it is.


It speaks a million words, a million thoughts, and a million truths. Namaste to you, and namaste to me too. :)

On another note, I’ve miraculously managed to finish a week’s worth of posts…waow! *happy jig*

And the things I’ve learnt this week are:

Show up.


Give your heart the mic equally.

Thank yourself.

Have a lovely weekend, peeps! :)


22 Mar

Intuition. That’s what pushes us to surge forward or take that step back at that last millisecond. It’s what stays rock solid; unwavering through every single thought and emotion that may arise to conflict or fight it. It’s what stays unfaded way after the moment passes. It’s what comes into power when we need that last piece of advice, that last vote of confidence. It’s what appears from nowhere; unwarranted, unexpected, unapologetically uninhibited.

It’s what sails us through. It’s what we all have but fail to give the importance it deserves. Sometimes. If you’ve been, or are, the intuitive sort who goes with your gut almost every single time, you’re an expert at gauging your senses or maybe you’ve just got a rock-solid faith in yourself. It’s applause-worthy.

Have you ever figured you ought to have listened to your inner voice earlier? Has that inner voice, no matter how soft or subtle, been right, been bang on? I’ve felt it every single time even if I didn’t heed it in the moment.

I’m here not to talk about the miracles of listening to your own self. Neither am I here to preach. I’m here to recognize its power and say just how grateful I am because I’m glad I listened. This one time, at least. Because I stuck to it from the very beginning.

Life has this weird way of making us meet all kinds of people. In retrospect, I guess these people walk our way because we need to realize just how much trash is out there and how important it is to listen to our inner voice. Maybe this is life’s way of helping us be more sensitive to what we’ve been blessed with; to recognize when it’s okay to be stupid and when it’s not, to know when it’s time to walk that path our intuition points towards even if that means having to walk it alone.

Have you ever made “friends” and walked each day with them with that itch knowing something isn’t as right as it should be or should feel like? Have you ever been faced head on with a moment where you trust and bare it all or hold back at the cost of straining relationships? And have you kept your guard up and felt nothing but confident, as opposed to guilt? Isn’t it exhilarating to know you really do not have to fit in at all times, that you can stand out and be pointed fingers at but that you kept your integrity intact, that you didn’t give in because it was the trend to give in?

Call it growing up or learning how to survive this world which is filled with trash where one man’s food is another man’s poison. While it comes at the very (so called) expensive cost of losing out on a lot, it’s reassuring to know that through it all, you managed just fine. That that one sense which probably has the most meek voice, is in fact what helps move mountains. And when you look back eventually, if you care to, you realize that the stuff you thought you missed out on was really just that trash’s trash.

It’s important to make that distinction. It’s important to know the difference between being alone and conforming for the sake of being “accepted”. It’s important to know when it’s alright and when it’s not alright. It’s absolutely okay. Because, in the end, you do emerge unscathed and untouched. There’s no wonder they call it the sixth sense; the one that powers through it all, that makes you rise, even if they’re ashes you’re rising from. Or trash cans, as it were.

Here’s more power to each and every one of us who’s walked the path not taken. Here’s keeping the faith. Here’s moving forward on the road we choose to walk on. Life is such a weird journey. Big love and gratitude all through. <3

IMG_7845 Goa 15 IMG_6143 Acceptance and Admittance My worldview