Tag Archives: Existentialism

144: Inspiring, Everyday People

24 May

I woke up with an unexpected sense of inspiration this morning; once I could muster getting myself out of bed i.e. As I waited for A to get ready, I logged onto Instagram where the source of my inspiration grew deeper and richer. As is with most things social media, a trail sketched itself across the profiles I flitted past till I found what made me stay, and feel like it was a good morning to wake up to indeed. For those of you who have been reading my posts, and for those of you who haven’t, here’s something that has really found a nook in me and settled down very comfortably in the momentum of my thoughts and curiosity – the entire experience that is the Himalayan expedition. I’ve written about it here, here, and here when I got hold of Jon Krakauer’s book “Into Thin Air” after obsessively watching the movie Everest, which, upon further investigation, I found him trashing completely. But I’m thankful for the trail nonetheless. It was serendipitous then, and still is, today, when I clicked on the Instagram radio button and found the magnetism of the Himalayas drawing me to them, yet again.

It’s already been a while since Himalayan expeditions began for the year 2017, with many attempting a successful summit experience during this spring-summer window. Now when I find people talking about this, I feel more (theoretically) knowledgeable and aware. In fact, when BBC confirmed the collapse of the famed Hillary Step the other day, I felt oddly zapped by the new monumental hurdles alpinists would now face; not that hurdles defeat them, and not that the Hillary Step and the peak itself were not enough. Of course it also made me frown in the face of this global-warming destruction we’ve brought upon ourselves, but it seriously seems like we need something more drastic and severe to wake up. Anyway, and moving on, today I found myself following two people who are right there as we speak; and one of whom I found fascinating because of how profoundly beautifully and simply he expressed his thoughts and emotions coupled with the most breathtaking photographs.

Cory Richards; photojournalist at Nat Geo, swirled me into his world of words and expressions in an instant and so effortlessly as well. If my fascination and borderline obsession with the Himalayas wasn’t enough, along came this person who gave my perceptions, beliefs, thoughts, and curiosities a space to free-flow and merge into what was that ray of same inspiration I felt brightening up my morning today. Here are his words that made me feel heard, understood, capable, and not alone.

“Surrender is a funny thing. We do it constantly without thinking…when we board planes, get in our cars, or cross the street. We surrender to each other blindly all the time. Surrender in the mountains however has a unique texture. We stare up, calculate the risk, and surrender to the potential consequence. A decision is made to engage with fear and move with it. Fear is rooted in the future…an idea of something that could occur. In that sense, that which we fear isn’t real. The goal then, is to surrender to both the potential consequences and the sensation of fear. Only when I embrace it rather than fight it, am I able to move through it.”

If there was any fear holding me back, it felt more loose and less destructive. And that’s maddeningly insane coming from a normal, everyday guy, sitting somewhere in the Himalayas sending vibes to thousands of people scattered across this planet of ours. No?

Here’s his most inspirational and true (to him) story on Nat Geo as well, in case you’re interested. Enjoy. :)

83: The Magnetism Of Realness

24 Mar

I’ll admit that I’ve been taken over by Jon Krakauer’s work and style of writing. I’m still admittedly hugely absorbed in his telling of the 1996 Mt. Everest tragedy, scouring each word and expression to immerse myself into, not that his work warrants much effort. My experience with this book has been the realest thing I’ve read in the longest time; as if I was there, watching it all unfold in front of my eyes, undergoing the sharpness of each emotion felt by the ones on that expedition. I can’t remember when a book made me feel this way.

As far back as I can remember, biographies and non-fictitious works never called out to me. The only real-life tales I ever participated in were those of Jim Corbett, thanks to the influence his works had on my cousin brother, and therefore on me. I’ve never read Anne Frank, neither have I attempted a biography, no matter how well talked about or moving. They just couldn’t lure me back then. Of course I chanced upon the movie Everest after which I felt drawn towards Krakauer’s book for reasons too mysterious even for my comprehension.

Last night as I ensconced myself in this piece, I was unable to keep it aside, for how could one just leave when members you’ve come to know over so many pages lay in a Godforsaken place waiting to die or be saved? It’s not the drama, the eeriness, or even the incalculable struggle which kept me in my spot, I realised later as I drifted into sleep (talk about letting go and trying not to think!). It dawned upon me that a lot of me connected with the realism of what I was reading. Books come to you, like everything else that’s meant for you does, I believe. At a time when I’ve innumerable questions threatening to exhaust the last stock of my sanity and concrete (or so I thought) sense of self, here came a book that helped me find a path towards some answers, if not give me answers itself.

This strange existentialism that grips us all in myriad ways has its grasp on me too. Where am I going? What am I doing? Who am I? What is my calling? The questions are many, and overwhelming. Some people have their answers because of their sureties. I’m not one of them because I’ve never felt so nomadic before. I’m from everywhere and nowhere, I tell whoever asks me where I am from. Somehow that answer fits my understanding of this question best at the moment. And so the path continues.

Strangely enough, my course of thoughts, actions, questions, and behaviours already seem to have taken a deviation taking into cognizance this need for more realness than the imagined. The gears have changed and it’s a refreshing phase, that’s for sure.

41: Lessons I’m Learning

10 Feb

Losing control isn’t as catastrophic as it seems.

Holding on to anything too tightly makes it slip away further, faster.

Sharing thoughts, memories, and stories surpasses sharing materialistic things, especially when the world tries to convince you otherwise.

Have faith in yourself; it’s the greatest uplifter.

Love isn’t just a feeling but a process of discovery.

Time gives you enough time to make a move.

Living in the moment is the best way to do justice to it.

The truth, apparently, is bendable, as long as it’s true. It’s called perception, I’m told. I still see it as black and white.

Judgement is not your job. Accepting judgements is not your prerogative.

The Puzzle And Its Pieces

12 Jul

With the past few weeks culminating in a very busy weekend, the most I could do come Sunday night was pass out by 9pm and wake up feeling like someone still had that energy-sucking straw stuck in me, the next morning. But when your once packed and routine-filled day suddenly frees up, one doesn’t really know what to do or how really to celebrate this blessing that is free time. And so I let the day flow by languorously, feeling rather odd and out of place; lazily picking up laundry that needed completing, disassembling that growing mountain of unfolded clean clothes that needed folding, and easing into that much needed head massage and head bath, as some sort of consolation prize…because head baths cannot be rushed, you know?

I’ve realised, after all my excited celebration, that it doesn’t rain in this city. Or rather, this city, it seems, is the last to see rain. The clouds just hang around all day like a tease you just don’t want to see anymore – because stationery clouds only mean unbearable humidity. I’ve never, ever seen an unwillingness to just rain and give us some relief, than over here. Of course, the husband says that once it rains, the flooding thanks to the city’s so called drainage system, makes you want to not see water. Oh well.

Yesterday was all about spending time with my family who stays here and with my aunt and uncle who are visiting for my uncle’s chemotherapy. It was a wonderful day filled with conversation after conversation, interspersed with laughter, madness, lots of nail painting, mango snarfing, ice cream gobbling, chai, food, and of course, photographs. There really is no better remedy than finding joy, solace, comfort and love in these small moments. A lot of it involved drawing my uncle out to talk about all that was on his mind – his childhood, his love for food, his stories which eventually led to him speaking about his pain and letting us in on his journey, his battle. It’s a nasty battle and one that is beyond gruelling. But that’s me just skimming what lies on the surface of it all. Sometimes it is important to not shun talking about suffering, pain and hurt. And so we talked and I learned a little more about his journey, his perspective, his understanding – there can be no other way to learn about somebody’s walk than from their own selves.

In the midst of it all, I’ve no idea how time passed us all by. There we were, yapping about the good old times like they happened just yesterday, and here we are now – all of us grown up, our parents inching towards retirement; their faces masked behind the veil of post retirement insecurities and fears, the unanswered questions of what lies next and where they’ll end up – there’s so much we leave unsaid, so much we do not talk about and push under the carpet for that tomorrow which isn’t far away. It really puts things into perspective and makes me look within to see where I stand and just how far I am from handling my duties and responsibilities. It’s real and it’s just around the corner. To not think about it and address these concerns is that sort of denial that’s pleasant to live in – because which child ever wants their parents to grow old? – except it’s that sort of denial which comes with a limited period offer tag. This time warp is an illusion and one that needs snapping out of, immediately.

It really puts our entire life cycle in perspective, especially when faced with the realities that lie ahead of us. They said getting married by a certain time was a good idea and they make sense even now. No, we do not need anyone’s support to get by, because like ma says, humans are born to strive and survive; humans make it through and that’s why we are the species that we are. But to have someone by your side doesn’t indicate weakness or incapability; far from, actually. A time comes when the pieces of this unfinished puzzle start falling into place. All those unanswered whats and whys automatically wither away… I’m beginning to learn that not everything has a verbal answer to it, as I once assumed and very vehemently believed.

Spending time with family and spending time with one’s own self helps put things into place. Whether it’s the continuous circle of life or the endlessly rotating wheel, it’s evident that movement is mandatory. Life goes on and will do. I’m certain no amount of banners, sloganeering and vociferous posts on social media can do a thing about it.

I believe it makes sense to walk on, because time really isn’t stopping for anyone. There’s so much to do, so many things to say, so many unfinished businesses to close and move on from, so many i love yous to say, so many laughs to share, so many kisses to savour…there are just too many things to be done; some good, some unpleasant, some ugly. But the promise of moving on is one that life makes to each of us and it’s an eye-opening one for sure.

*Update – the rains have arrived.

**Latest update – the rains have vanished.

Here, There And Everywhere

11 May

I’m quite certain that at least some aspects or parts of the education we receive, stick on by, especially when one feels as lost and at sea as does happen to all of us from time to time…that when the time comes, we activate and put to use our capacities and apply the many lessons we’ve learnt, from life and its incidents or from theories (as some part of this post will elucidate) or from whatever else it is that teaches us the multitude of things we learn every single day. That’s the hope, at least.

It’s not rare for me to turn to my subject of interest and academic choice to help understand and answer the circumstance and questions that arise when they do. Psychology has, and always will be more than just a textbook subject to me given how much I love it and how much sense it makes to me; but not over and above the absolute fact that it allows me to help apply it to my life on a daily basis. On one hand it sort of sucks to be aware of the motive behind a particular behaviour or action displayed by xyz, thereby automatically changing your own response to the situation, as annoying and different from a regular response it becomes. However, the satisfaction in knowing and being equipped with the faculties to dissect a situation takes the cake, if you ask me. By saying this, I, in no way imply that all students of psychology are mind readers or that all psychologists are sane/perceptive or even understanding, for that matter. The takeaway here is the idea that we are constantly learning and that what we learn (usually) aides us when we feel like we know nothing at all.

And so, for me, I’ve always found great meaning and depth in the classical theories of psychology, especially the psycho-analytic/dynamic and psychosocial set of them. To me, the principles of development spoken widely about by Erik Erikson hit the spot at so many levels; and therefore it is no surprise that I turn to this theory when I have innumerable questions about my life, my purpose and most importantly, my identity. There are theories by the plentiful, but this simple one somehow stayed back and perhaps that’s why they’re classified under the umbrella of classical theories. And going by Erikson’s theory, I’m clearly STILL at stage adolescence, in some sort of warped psychosocial moratorium (a break from my responsibilities, very simply), if I may diagnose myself so.

There are so many days when I feel stuck, inert, clueless, aimless and just wedged in some sort of sticky haze that I cannot see past. The opacity of this screen that shrouds every possible opportunity to find light and move forward is beyond believable. It’s at times like these when I turn back to these theories and wonder where I’m stuck at or what conflict lies unresolved in order for me to take a step ahead. I distinctly remember sitting in class, engrossed in these theories as lectures glided past us, bell after bell. And I remember acknowledging just how much sense they made. It’s not like I have the answers or like it’s all spelled out, even. But the hope that it’s not new and that I’m not the only one makes half the challenge easier to conquer.

I’m at a point where I’m caught in a conflict between saying no because I want to and saying yes because I have to at the cost of mental peace and guiltlessness. This is primarily because I’ve no certain idea about what I really want or what I think my purpose here is. The struggle’s real and a constant one at that…

To not know where I stand or what my standing really even is… to be clueless about my whatnext or my wherenow… to be shrouded in one’s own whatifs and thenwhats… to look at the mirror and not know who’s looking back… to retrospect and realize that clues to the future still lay camouflaged… to basically not know where one’s going is a blindfold game that’s beyond stressful and discouraging. It almost feels like I’m swimming against a powerful current that takes me back to square one all over again.

Don’t get me wrong, my life or my surroundings are not this bleak or threatening; it’s just that when the ‘what am I here for’ wave comes my way, I almost always find myself washed back ashore with the sign ‘a ship in a harbour is safe, but that’t not what ships are built for’ flashing right in front of my face.


Identity crises are just the worst, aren’t they?

*shirks responsibility and grabs some ice cream*

Learning To Unlearn And Relearn

29 Mar

Isn’t that what moving forward is all about anyway? It’s astounding how these simple concepts are gems we store for later, more intellectual conversations and situations, oftentimes overlooking their importance in being applied to life every single day. I’ll speak for myself at least. I cannot remember a time when the necessity to unlearn and relearn something wasn’t used and just what a life saver the flexibility to do so, is.

But I admit, I never imagined the need to do the same to other more crucial facets of my life, my functioning, my relationships, my perceptions, and my wellbeing altogether. Perhaps it was the luxury of living with family all my life which made me so ignorant, until now, when I’m not living under the same roof as them, and have a lot of my shit to figure out on my own. Where did this shit land up from anyway, I wonder, because the last time I checked, all was dandy, all was fine, all was the opposite of sandpapery, if I may.

I haven’t been hitched too long, but it has taken me faster than I fathomed to figure out that – not everything will go your way or as you’ve been used to, and you’d be foolish to expect it. So here I am, trying to unlearn and relearn a lot that I had conveniently assumed I was a master at. How presumptuous of me.

To be more specific, here are some things I’m currently learning, unlearning and relearning:

Not all close relationships are the same and therefore not all close relationships can be handled the same way. You may want to say du-h! at this point in time, and perhaps you should, because I thought otherwise.

Nobody, no matter how close to you, is the same as anybody else…so responses from x are very highly likely to be different from y, even though you behaved the same way with both parties, at the same time, in the same place and under the same circumstances.

In connection with the previous point, time plays a major factor, as do priorities. To elucidate, person y may not necessarily be forgiving to you for stealing a slice of bacon from their plate the second or third time around, unlike earlier times when they didn’t really care about bacon as much. Perhaps they’re really in the mood for bacon and don’t feel like sharing, perhaps they love bacon unlike their previous preference, perhaps they’re saving it for somebody else, perhaps their bacon sharing priorities have changed – always give room for consideration. Also, point to note – it doesn’t really mean you’re loved any less. It just means that time and priorities change everything sometimes.

(Fine example, Babska. Fine one, indeed!)

Not getting a reply, especially via SMS, especially when you’re used to this form of instantaneous gratification in that category, does not mean you are not loved or cared for anymore. (Big learning!) This may make you want to run back and thank all those lovely people who actually make the effort to respond to you when you want them to, which is usually instantly, right?

Responses to a situation which you imagine are natural and instinctual even, may not really be natural to the actual person whom you’re expecting that said response from. I always imagine my husband to respond to certain things in ways that I am used to because that is how my family responds to me in those situations…but seldom are they the same, or rarely is there a match in these responses. If it matters that much, and as hard as it may be for one’s ego, it does help to spell out how you expect a response to be rather than let the waterworks flow some more and still not get what you want. It’s true.

Your comfort food or ideas of comfort food may not be comforting (at all) to somebody else. Be prepared to compromise on that sort of thing or make two meals or eat alone – whichever is worth battling over. Yes, the heartbreak on learning that my husband doesn’t really care about khichdi too much was a hard one to take.

Again, your idea of cleanliness is definitely never going to be the same as anyone else’s. I think that’s a universal law of absolute crappiness, if you ask me. If you’re used to things being xyz, somebody else may be used to abc, while another person may not be used to the concept of cleanliness at all. Who can say? It’s a tough one.

I guess the basic premise of all this unlearning and relearning is the fact that A LOT of what you imagine or expect or even plan in your head has a 99.90% chance of not being the way you want it to be. I’ve fought many a battle (only to sound dramatic) because when you are so removed from what is known to you, or away from the norm of how things are done, or even disconnected from a certain routine, the friction can sometimes be too painful. Sometimes things go our way, and a lot of the times, they don’t.

Which brings me to this main point:

Learning how to not be so much of a control freak, especially in the many areas I can afford to let go off without much heartburn or effort. It’s some nasty business for a control freak to be at a point where no control can be claimed for a lot of things. And I think it comes with these fundamental building blocks of sanity:

Letting go
Being selective of the battles you pick
Demolishing one’s EGO

I reckon anybody who can do even one, if not all of the above, is definitely headed down the road of peace.

Before leaving Bangalore to get married, I went about meeting people who really matter to my family and me – many friends, family friends and some acquaintances. Through these many meetings, I sponged off of them as much as I could – their learning, their thoughts, their advice, their words of wisdom. The most humbling and soulful piece of advice I was given was from an acquaintance whose words still ripple on my consciousness every time it feels like I know nothing at all. Dear reader, his pearls of wisdom are as follows:

Learn to be like water which can flow even around the biggest boulders and seep through the tiniest gap…be like water which can meander, bend, take any shape and form…be like water – life-giving, thirst-ridding, sustaining… be like water who doesn’t speak but whose presence is always felt, forever needed… be like water who when she wants, can make her voice heard the loudest and still be calming. Learn to be like water and you will always bear fruit.

Learning: The treasury of wisdom comes from constantly learning.

From Where I Stand

28 Mar

Spring has come and gone.

It’s getting hot hot hot.

Too hot to now get out for a casual stroll or even for essentials.

It seems like only I’m standing still and the rest of the world couldn’t be moving at a faster pace.

The air hangs around languorously, still almost, quieter still.

My body is slowly but surely showing signs for the need to align my diet to become more summer friendly.

I will still always be a dal chawal girl and no salad can make me feel otherwise.

Everything looks and feels very certain even in all this present uncertainty. How?

There is no grass to compare shades of its greenery to. I guess it’s a good thing.

I’m not missing Facebook. It’s been 28 days and there isn’t even a hint of wanting it just yet.

From where I stand, it looks like a path for me to walk on has been created, I’m very certain of that. What that path is or how I’m to find it, is what the grey area is. Sometimes this quest for that path leaves me sleepless, tossing about and wondering exactly where it is that I’m supposed to go. Like I said, I’ve never felt more certain in my life even when I’m steeped in my present uncertainties. It was only when I was told by my husband’s friend and his friend’s wife about how brave it really is to leave your all – job included – and just move lock, stock and barrel, did my perspectives on being so harsh on myself change. I’m not as worried about getting a job, because that’s the easy part, really. 

From where I stand today, and while so many things remain unclear, the one thing that couldn’t be more evident is the fact that I can say no to whatever it is that I do not want. Breaking off has that advantage, I’m gradually beginning to realize. When you are at a time and place where all your peers, friends and people your age are climbing the many ladders they choose to climb or are compelled to climb, the rat race suddenly seems even more urgent, more necessary even…just so there is conformity, there is a routine, there is a sense of identification.

From where I stand, it looks like everything is so still and so fast-paced simultaneously. This mind-bend, this illusion is transitory, I hope?

This quote featured on a blog which I haven’t been able to find ever since (so annoying!) made me ease up, breathe better and relax. It isn’t just a mere coincidence to come across something you need to see…there are signs everywhere, and they come to each of us when we’re too lost or too blinded to see…a belief I hold very dear to my heart…enough to find immense truth and gratitude in it.

 Learning: Look straight ahead. Wear blinkers to alleviate your blindness.

Pin-Drop Silence

31 Aug

I’ve no idea where this inclination to write is coming from, but let’s keep the flow going lest it decides to stand still for the next 500 months, shall we? Or wait, it could be from the fact that post all the ad writing, submission and completion of formalities that comprises the process of digital advertising were done with, all I could think about was heading here. It’s a good sign, I think. It was just on my way back home that I wondered whether making frequent appearances here spoke a truer tale of my life and its shenanigans or whether it showed some minor signs of that writer’s block giving way. Who knows? Ask me again next week, and we shall figure.

Write. Even if its nonsense. Do whatever it is that gets your boat floating, even if you think you’re covered and totally unsinkable. I think being able to be open-minded enough to write gets its credit from the absolutely random post I put up earlier this morning. I’m guessing it’s like those mouth exercises one is recommended just before they step into theater or music rehearsals; the ones where you think you’re doing the real shit but are actually making funny faces at people? Yep, that’s it. Who says things need to make sense all the time? Do the mad Phoebe dance, shirk of all that excess and unnecessary lint off your being and move forward, I presume.

While what I’m listening to isn’t a 100% correlated to the concept of pin-drop silence and why I’m going to speak about it, I’m continuing to do so because it’s addictive. Should you be interested, it’s this.


I’m sure a lot of us promised never to mention either his or Taylor Swift’s names around even our auras, but come on, let’s not be rigid. This doesn’t sound as bad as the effects of the his name can bring about to the folks of our generation. I’m not sure we can guarantee feeling the same way later. Ask me again next week, and we shall figure.

Just before I was about to leave work, it struck me that I wanted to write again. What about, I wasn’t entirely sure, except that there hovered a vague idea of what it could be, and that was enough. On my way back home, just before my skeptical mind wondered whether making frequent visits here would make the world wonder what the hell was wrong with me and if I didn’t have a life, there was this moment when everything felt calm; a sort of calm that gives you a spot right in the center of your chaos and mutes all else.

Have you experienced that? If you’d like me to explain it dramatically, imagine standing center-stage on that black-taped “x” that’s been drawn and designated for you to be positioned at. Imagine a whirlwind in slow motion all around, attempting to engulf you but leaving you untouched. Imagine all your thoughts, feelings, comments, voices, notes, mental checks, broken strings of ties you thought were still in place, relationships that occupy your space but are free floaters sucking on your energy, miniature cyclones of tormented unfinished businesses…you name it and imagine it whirling around you in slow motion, ever so close, almost brushing your hair, piercing you, except you’re untouched. Surrounded by silence in that screeching tornado. That happened. If it was an epiphany or my thoughts being drugged or if that’s what it feels like when you let go and stop giving a fuck about anything, everything and everyone, including yourself; I’m not entirely sure.

It turns out that we’ve got ourselves covered. Somehow. In some twisted, weird sort of way. There’s only so much that you can be afflicted with and there is only so much you can take to heart. There’s only so much drama and so much trouble you can take. And there’s only so much soul you can spare, so much heart you can allow breaking, so much mental space you can allow occupancy in. There really is only so much, even if it feels infinite, unyielding and unbearable. So it turns out that there’s only so much rubbish you can take and there’s only so much damage you will allow onto yourself. It’s comforting. It’s that exact same pin-drop silence in our chaos which makes us stand grounded, rooted and invincible, if I may daresay. And through it all, things don’t feel as bad or impossible anymore. Everything looks more approachable, doable and conquerable.

If all of that self-empowerment isn’t enough and you need some noise, some madness, some laughter, be thankful you have friends who break the monotony of it by randomly sending you stuff like this. It’s highlarious, top-notch, premium stuff (read: #PeriodHumour) you need regular dosages of.


Update: WordPress reminds me that this is a landmark 500th post, so happy 500th, folks! Thank you for stopping by, reading, sharing and making me want to write more. You’re the very best, dear reader!

The Dark Side

18 Aug

There are days when your spirit, your willpower, your positivism and everything else that makes you feel invincible against the darker forces of an idle and cynical mind surround you in this safe, positive, indestructible haven. It’s that time when you feel absolutely untouchable in a powerful, god-like way. You feel like you can actually step right out of your zone and conquer the world, stretch those long folded wings and fly wherever the hell you really wish to fly to. It all seems possible. Even for us cynics, yes. Isn’t that just the.best.feeling.ever? I envy positive people because I presume they see the world like this all.the.time. Nothing is insurmountable, no one is too extraordinary and impossible to emulate should you be one to go by others’ standards, and life looks totally livable; roses and all. I’m sure optimists have roses and rainbows and achievable goals.

So being a self-proclaimed cynic makes feeling positive an alien concept a lot of the times. It’s not about being self-loathing or low on self-esteem as it were. They’re not really connected, I think. However, I see more instances of forecasting the absolute worst just so you feel you’re a step ahead and in control instead of just being able to let go and genuinely feel happy for your own self. It’s not that cynics don’t feel happy. It’s just that I guess we do not know how to feel happy should our worst fears come true and that happiness be taken away from us before we open those doors and let the magic in.


As usual, I come across these when the moment seems just perfect. Call it selective perception if you may. However, this happened to come my way because I’m trying to walk on to the darker side – the happier side. There is no doubt about the amount of happiness there is all around and the sheer number of stimuli just waiting to trigger bouts of happiness at the slightest approach. It seems all too much of a waste to watch it all wither away once the moment is lost very well knowing you chose to sit in your scared corner not having experienced happiness at all.

It’s like that saying of holding on to grains of sand so hard that they eventually escape your grasp. That’s the same concept I’m talking about here; it’s astounding how we’ve become so afraid to let go and just live, fall, get hurt and heal. Apply the same to relationships and just why we’re so wary of opening those gates to what lies inside. I wonder what part of this generational spoke has us by our collar so bad that we’re losing, if we haven’t already lost the ability to live free and with the same amount of abandon as the posts we splash all over social media about life and its experiences. And I digress, but it looks like we now live our life vicariously through these rather magnanimous, if I may, posts we produce with great diligence. Magnanimous because suddenly real experiences of life now equate a rather exotic solo travel or a hot air balloon ride or even a trip abroad, at that. Whatever happened to regular, small, meaningful moments which also do contribute to life just as much, if not more? Of course I use the term exotic not to denote extravagance in any way.

That is another post to ponder over for later. While on the topic of happiness, actually being able to experience the feeling for what it is without the worry of it vanishing is something I’ve to deal with too. Being cynical about everything comes at such huge costs, not to forget the price you end up paying for being just so stupid, really. It’s needless to say that this goes hand-in-hand with the absolute inability to not overthink every single thing. Overthinking + aroused fears = a perfect combination for a cynic. Of course we’re so caught up in feeling cynical that whatever happy moments do come our way are lost or misread into being something we do not deserve.

And isn’t that the most dangerous thing; to believe you don’t deserve happiness? Things to think, and not overthink about, because our happy moments are always right in front of us. Always. Hopefully we’ll be able to tell ourselves that we’re just as deserving; that exhibiting and celebrating happiness has nothing to do with selfishness.


I’ll let this speak for itself.

Let’s hop over to the dark side, cynics!


1 Jul


I woke up to this today and I do strongly believe that it was there for me to see first thing in the morning. It’s seldom that I check my phone this early, but today was an exception. Perhaps I needed to be talked to, or see a mirror in the form of these words strung together. It reinforces my beliefs in signs. Almost every single day does.

Small reminders for today (to begin with);

  • It’s okay to be standing in the eye of the storm where nothing and no one, not even your own self, makes sense.
  • Let the whirlwinds of your insane thoughts consume you, completely. And have faith that you will re-emerge. Because you always will.
  • Stop fighting. Experience the experience till it can consume you no more. It feels powerful to be in that place because you’re invincible to it in that moment. And you earned it.
  • This journey is for you to make. Alone. How you choose to decorate your path, and with what, is albeit fruitful, but temporary. Because when you’re done, you’re standing all alone.
  • Being alone does not equal being lonely. You have a choice.
  • Words of wisdom are not for the weak because they didn’t come from the weak. If you cannot accept or imbibe them, perhaps there’s something else in store for you.
  • Every picture needn’t be perfect.
  • Let. Go.
  • Nothing is permanent. Nothing.
  • Believe. In your self, your strengths, your capabilities and your knowledge. Believe.
  • The strongest superhero is watching you from within and has been all this while.
  • Welcome today, because you’re here. Yesterday is already a closed chapter and not even time is sure of tomorrow.
  • Drink your coffee slowly. Let it tingle the farthest reaches of your senses.
  • Learn. Always. It opens doors and throws sunbeams our way we may have never known of.
  • Open your eyes. Let some light in.
  • Take a deep breath. And smile at your own fragrance.
  • Love.
  • Kiss.
  • Create magic by just being.


We’re always a work in progress (WIP), because we don’t want to be finished yet, do we?