Tag Archives: Blogger

150: Zero Going On 150

30 May

I remember when I hit 50 posts; it was sometime in February. It felt surreal, almost like I had achieved the impossible; so low are my expectations from myself. But to be honest, those 50 didn’t come easily – there was a heady mix of struggle, doubt, creative inertia, blankness, and a lack of inspiration that I had to tackle with on a regular basis. That apart, and because blogging somewhere also boils down to the number game no matter how much a blogger denies its importance to them, my numbers were (and still are) not up to the mark – basically my content and blogger behaviour was just not attracting the readership that I desired. (It still isn’t, but that for later). However, (and I also mentioned this somewhere), there were many a time when I needed to show myself the mirror and remind myself of the purpose of this journey and who I was really embarking on it for. Shifting perspectives did help, because here I am, low numbers and all, at 150 posts today.

There are so many takeaways that I have from this experience already. Apart from the ones I have written about here already; where I celebrated one month, introspected a little at 90 days, looked back at a 100 days, and also fell into the pit of self-doubt regarding this concept of overfeeding, today makes me feel all this and more. For example:

I am grateful for me, for the time I have taken out to invest in this, for showing up, and just motoring on irrespective of everything else that tried dissuading me from going further. During this journey, I have realised the importance of genuine and conscious self-gratitude. Somehow this has become invisible, something that was kept on the back-burner for later which was then conveniently forgotten. Being thankful to everyone, everything, and one’s own self is mandatory because we are, ultimately, a part of this scheme of things, works, and circle too. This act of a simple thank you, minus any frills or falsities has made me realise the significance of genuine, ego-less thanks and the necessity for self-love for self-growth to take place. It, I think, stemmed from one of these marriage memes I saw on FB somewhere; something on the lines of “a marriage requires filling before it can be fulfilling”, which I analogised to this for myself “you cannot give if your cup is empty.”

The other thing I have learnt is that narrowing down my focus to a day at a time really helps in the long run. It has helped me get less overwhelmed by the large and looming fear of a three-digit number when I focus on just one. I hope I can imbibe this in the rest of my endeavours too.

On looking back, the road seems seamless, faultless, and just so smooth. Of course it doesn’t take a fool to realise that this wasn’t, in fact, my reality. But what I am going to take away from this is that no journey is hard if you show up and decide to take it forward; that roadblocks were made to make you slow down either to take in the view better, or to bring you back to humility that we might have not seen flying out the window.

I have become more observant, more fluent in my channels of expression, more comfortable with the way I express myself, less perturbed by comparisons and numbers, more confident in my own capabilities, and definitely more patient with my faculties. If it wasn’t for this, I wouldn’t have come this far. Now if only I can keep this drive and focus going.

Lastly, it has made me feel more secure about myself. When I bring the mirror to me, I am reminded that this is something I am doing for my own self – irrespective of the numbers it may or may not garner as per my desires. This has reflected in the smallest of things which have brought me joy – that my readership is stronger than a promotional hit on a social media platform, that I have a dedicated bunch of faithful readers (with my mom taking the cake for this), and that I feel purposeful, almost humble as a writer/blogger for being able to achieve this. Quality over quantity, I remind myself. And that is exactly what we have given each other, dear reader. I wouldn’t have come this far if it wasn’t for this collective effort. For that, I do thank you, most genuinely and consciously, too. :)

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123: Overfeeding

3 May

I’ll admit that I have my good days and my bad days; days I look forward to blogging or even just showing up, and days when I’m entirely wtf about this entire thing. No one’s anyway reading this blog, is what my thoughts tell my already overworked mind. Barring a handful of readers (9 exactly – and I love you, whoever you religious 9 are), my blog doesn’t seem to attract the readership a blogger dreams of cultivating. It’s not like you write amazingly, or even about relevant things for people to come to your blog. It’s not like you’ve given a blogger any reason to come all the way here, read, and engage with your sop stories every single day, my negativity goads me. Which even brings me to question whether I’m doing too much, feeding too much, being present too much.

One thing I have realised is this rather sickly I scratch your back you scratch mine bullshit. It exists even here, of all the places. So yeah, if I don’t comment or follow a blog, rest assured the blogger who once was engaging with me will stop immediately too. Sometimes this is understandable, but for a non-believer in all this foolery, it’s mostly stupid in my eyes. But each to our own.

Having said that, and despite all the negativity that likes to ruffle my blogger-feathers, I like coming here and doing my thing. I have to sometimes remind myself that when I took on this challenge, it wasn’t to get soaring stats or a blogger award (haha!) but because this was about me and for me. I lose focus at times and it’s thoughts and considerations like these which snuff out any attempt to put myself down.

And that’s a big thing for someone who took no time to pull herself up for anything and everything under the sun.

Thank you, dear 9 readers. Thank you for strengthening my purpose. :)

Updates And Then Some

17 Sep

In the middle of some very unwelcome, yet powerful bout of insomnia which snatched every trace of sleep away from me indefinitely last night, I did what I usually dislike doing – getting allllll the way out of bed and figuring out what to do with this slot of time which should have otherwise been spent in satisfactory slumber. Since reading was an inevitable failure, I made my way to my here to complete the tinkering of my blog which I had left halfway through for another day. Babska: 1. Procrastination: – 0.5. Anyhoo, apart from wanting to genuinely do something to this space, I’ve been thinking of how else to incorporate the small but other meaningful things that also highlight my day on a regular basis. Apparently playing around with template codes and what not seemed to be my brain’s need of that certain graveyard hour. And so I tinkered. Here’s what’s new for now:

In addition to my Food page, I’ve gotten myself a new page called Photographs right next to it, on the upper right hand corner. Given how playing with images is more than just a thing I love, it was only a matter of time before it reappeared back on my blog space. These are all teeny tiny ideas that I’m attempting to put forth and hopefully develop as the days go. For now, this is where you will find my chronicling of all things photograph and food related. It feels exciting to have a folder where I can find the things I especially love, apart from feeling super organised or at least trying to be better organised around my blog.

What also happened yesterday all through most of last night was also this: a new segment of posts I’d like to wickedly call Quickies. I love the option of putting up tiny titbit posts on the go – it feels like I’m more connected and it feels like I’m being more disciplined about publishing not just the big, but small things in general. I also have another segment of posts called the PhotoADay category, because hello photography, my love. It is here that I hope to publish one photograph every day and to get increasingly active on learning to speak more with images as well. My first post for the day is up, here. Look? There is no strict plan or theme in mind yet… I guess the idea is to go along and capture most of my day in one picture.

I’m not really sure if this is too much too fast, a long time coming, or a lot I’ve put on my plate. But I’m ready to go with the flow and take it as it comes. Let me know your thoughts, please. Also, insomnia bout well spent, ay?

Have a beautiful weekend, my dear reader(s). :)