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187: The Nowhere Post

22 Aug

Hello dear reader, I hope things have been ahmayzing at your end and I trust that all is well. All’s good on my side of the turf, too. :)

It’s super safe to say that I’ve done wonders to this challenge by disappearing, and for the length of time that I have. It was a mixed bag complete with losing my mojo to write, being preoccupied with a hoard of other things, and then just losing track altogether. I’m not sure I can make up for the lost time and posts, but I’m leaving that to the writing and blogging Gods, and my willingness to bid laziness goodbye.

This was just a random resurface post; a small hi, hope all’s well post.

Till later. :)

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186: Little Conversations And Happy Vibes

6 Jul

It was yesterday while at school that it struck me how surrounded I am by different people. While my students put up what was perhaps the best assembly so far this year, I watched on like a proud class teacher would, and felt a connection with them for the first time I think. They picked the very apt, very relatable, very important topic “self-acceptance” and delivered a marvellous job which only spoke to hard work, effort, and a great connection with the subject. As the audience stood in rapt attention lapping up all they had to offer, my kids ladled praises that came their way. Much deserved and worthy of bragging, most definitely.

I’m not a very social person or a very open person. My walls are high, my boundaries very marked. I don’t cross lines and no one crosses mine; not beyond a point i.e. But I’ve been noticing this uncanny phenomenon which has been happening off late that can only be attributed to kids and their ability, to either lovingly or annoyingly, gnaw their way into a person’s heart. I’ve a varied bunch of kids from all walks of life – they’re all amazing in their own way, and equally challenging to handle.

They’ve slowly but surely started inching closer towards me, and I towards them. Professionally, of course. And somewhere in this entire process I’m reminded about just how many variant vibes I’m surrounded by – happy, jovial, youthful, energetic, humourous, beautiful vibes. I’ve been having conversations with myself, telling myself good things, even. Opening up to these youngsters all around me has helped me take these little conversations to another level; to open my eyes and see that there’s so much good energy all around me to sponge off from, to give to, to engage with.

People are strange.

But magic is stranger.

184: Do You Know…

4 Jul

…that everything’s going to be alright? That it never was anything but alright all this while? That it takes a special kind of understanding to feel at peace, to come to terms with life’s ways, to essentially let go?

Do you know that the world conspires to put things together – sometimes with a small prayer, sometimes by its own volition?

Do you know that you’re safe, loved, trusted to be the best and only the best?

Do you also know that perhaps there’s no one better than you to do what you’re supposed to do?

:)

181: Defining Normalcy

1 Jul

When we went to receive ma late last night, the first thing she did after hug me is scold me for coming all the way to receive her at the hour that we did. It was followed by a barrage of some more scoldings which invariably led me to snap at her. Of course she means well and is only perpetually concerned, which she expresses in the way she does. However, that ended up in a quick tiff, which I’ve come to accept as normal. I’ve come to learn that this is how the women in my family show love and concern. This; and via food.

I’m not going to be surprised if we have numerous more tiffs during this short visit of hers.

Sigh.

180: Final Friday

30 Jun

The finale of my holiday is here and how. Where my summer sped off to is beyond me – if summer can fly away i.e.

I’m back at work tomorrow, which is a cruel joke to play – who works on the weekend before their work begins?!

But the highlight, the silver lining of it all is that ma’s arriving tonight. I’m looking forward to spending time with her from whatever I can salvage. But no matter what, the idea of meeting ma makes up for everything else that seems ugly to my mind right now.

I hope you’re having a beautiful Friday and an even better EoW!

178: Bangalore, This Time

28 Jun

I’ve been wanting to do a look-back on my trip to Bangalore this summer because it’s been different than all the others I’ve had so far. What highlights my summary of it was the fact that it was restrained this time. Little did I scurry from place to place, desperately trying to grab on to opportunities for memories. Seldom did the idea of restaurant-hopping make itself dominant (unlike the other trips). It just didn’t really obsessively revolve around food even though I did manage to have all that I always go to Bangalore to have. This time I even added brownie points in the form of an Andhra meal, and crab ghee roast.

It was also a time when I decided to stay put at home and prioritise the concept of resting more than I would have, ordinarily. There was an active effort invested in saying no, staying in, letting go, even if that meant sitting with family and doing nothing over traipsing across town to meet and catch up with friends.

I also didn’t really have the energy to do as much. However, we did throw in the usual trips to Commercial street and the tailors. Ma and I made additional time to hop over to Cubbon Park (while it rained) – something we’ve never done in the longest time.

There’s something very calm, collected, and yes, restrained. There was no urgency, no hurriedness, no desperation. It felt ample in all that we did and chose not to do. It couldn’t have felt more perfect. :)

177: Alone

27 Jun

A’s at work and I find myself alone at home, and with myself, after a good 26 days. That’s a long, long time. I don’t know what to do with myself, to be honest. I still have a few days of summer break left and I’d love to cash in on them as much as I can. However, wherever I look, there’s a house that’s screaming to be cleaned and looked after. The one thing I despise is unpacking and resetting my life to its routine. If I know myself, I will let the bags be till I really need to keep them away or till I can’t stand the sight of them anymore; whichever happens first. I suffer from a not so rare form of laziness that just does not permit me to act swiftly in these matters. The sight of an unkempt house irks me no end, however the inertia to do anything about it is always greater than this feeling. Therefore I do the inevitable – turn a blind eye towards the suitcase and the bags that are lying in an almost askance fashion, right.in.my.living.room.

UGH.

But heyyyy tv shows and tandoori chicken, I’ve missed youuuu.

172: Of Boredom

22 Jun

I’ve been telling A that as much as I love sitting at home and cozying up to a book, I can’t sit at home anymore. I’m beginning to get a little antsy just being at home, and don’t get me wrong, I love it. It’s just that there’s only so much of it I can love. Whenever I come to this side of the country, I find myself both happy and sad because it has dawned upon me that I am a complete city girl. I love turning to the mountains when I need a break whereas the mountains are home to A. It’s quite a juxtaposition, this. He doesn’t understand this and cannot fathom anyone not loving the cleanliness of mountain air and life. Maybe I’m just being difficult, but sit at home anymore, I cannot.

Let’s hope for a change tomorrow.

Ho hum.

164: 13th June, 2017

14 Jun

13th June, 2017 came just like any other day did. It was a day I wasn’t particularly looking forward to, because we were leaving Bangalore, and it’s always sick to say bye. It’s a day of sorts, and one I won’t forget for some time.

It’s the day that reinforced the grander scheme of things, to me.

I always have been a planner. I plan every single thing. It’s annoyingly boring for many of you, but I couldn’t imagine my life under anyone else’ control, to be honest. Once I got married, the truth of the universe’s ways made itself present to me in more ways than one. Plans just didn’t seem to work, and making plans was beginning to get frustrating because A isn’t an obsessive planner like I am.

As time has proceeded – we’re inching towards completing two years – I’ve learnt with a greater ferocity that life cannot be trusted with your individual, minute, plans. It’s got a mind of its own, and it will conspire to make things happen as it deems fit.

And so we’re just playing along. Yet again.

161: Time Flies

10 Jun

A came down to Bangalore last night. As has been the trend so far, his arrival signals two things to me – newfound experiences from sharing my maternal home with him, and the culmination of my stay in Bangalore. He usually arrives at the end of my trip, spends a couple of days here, and then we leave together.

Therefore this is my last weekend in Bangalore for the summer. When I look back, it’s been yet another crazy visit filled with everything that speaks of home. I will introspect and write about it a little later, but for now all I can say is that home will always be home.

We’ve got a series of plans lined up, and it’s something I would like to focus on instead. :)