10: Someone Else’s Shoes Are Not My Shoes

10 Jan

While I was pottering about the house yesterday, and just generally doing nothing much, I began to feel guilty for not having exercised for the longest time, ever. I mean, you could easily spend this time to get your body moving, my mind chided, but of course that didn’t happen. Instead, my mind took me on this free-wheeling trip on just how lazy I’ve become, among many other negative put-me-downers. My conscience isn’t wrong, at all. There used to be a time when my day’s routine began with an hour of exercising, followed by a hot shower which felt like a million bucks – that feeling of your taut yet worked out muscles and body against hot water is one to really die make the effort for, and one I told my overzealous mind to always take note of – remember this feeling, B, always remember this feeling. Those words and the encapsulation of that moment saw me through the many days when I didn’t want to go workout first thing in the morning. Needless to say, it took more effort for me to get my butt to the gym than to sit it out at times like that…a million to one thought, to be precise; but that feeling always made a difference. I still remember it.

And now? That routine broke the moment I quit my job (I used to frequent the gym at my office) and switched off my 5am alarm, indefinitely (haha, see I still do hope for it to come back one day).

My problems are many; the cake-snatcher being making excuses – the weather’s too cold, there’s too much smog, I can’t workout with my socks on and then it’s too cold once they’re off, eeeks the pollution, there’s too many kids running all over the place…I’m an expert excuse-maker. Until I bought myself a pair of shoes for inspiration, and they began biting me. Whodathunk walking shoes could ever bite?! But they do, and it’s all a grand propaganda to get me fat and jiggly. Whatevs.

Either way, that’s besides the point and I really do hope to get my act together immediately. Having said that, during said pottering and free-wheel ride, as mentioned above, I also pondered about just what standards we place on what being healthy and being strong are. As if those beauty magazines weren’t enough, I constantly find myself bombarded by “what entails good health”…and it goes without saying that none, I mean none of them focus on, or go beyond physical looks, and weight loss. It’s astounding how we’re so discretely bound by these social pressures…they make me feel exponentially fat, lazy, and indulgent in “all the wrong things”. While I respect their endeavours and give kudos to the people out there who really are making an effort, a large part of me also screams to highlight the importance of mental health and emotional well-being alongside physical health. I just see it as one big inseparable package, which somehow doesn’t get the attention it mandates. Our feelings of worth are equated with the way we look and the clothes we fit into, and that’s that.

While I was lost in thought, this very positive piece came my way, again on social media, which has its moments of goodness I’ll admit. I don’t look down upon exercise at all, but neither do I enjoy feeling like a failure or being nowhere by the constant information of someone else’s standards that I’m fed with on a very regular basis, or everyday, if I’m to be honest. It’s a dangerous and destructive feeling to experience, and one that robs any and all the beauty of other things living life has to offer. In fact, it was just this weekend that I really enjoyed a thela wala burger, two kebabs in a parantha, and a cheesecake slice without feeling bad or guilty for having “unhealthy” food, after what felt like forever. It made all the difference to me. And I hope my happy mind and body will understand this balance, and the importance of also getting into its shoes and on to the mat without further delay, just so it can live for more happies to come. :)

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