5 Jan

The biggest win for me right now is that I logged in here, and didn’t log out within five minutes, leaving an insipid spirit of a draft behind. I had some idea about what I wanted to write for my next post yesterday, when I was to focus on whatever else was at hand then. But here I am, logged in, and letting my thoughts go crazy as I examine what seems to be a growing tribe of split-ends on my mane. As I pull them apart, the only thing that still screams out to me, as it did all of yesterday, was this urgent prayer hoping and praying that Bangalore doesn’t become the next New Delhi. A lot of me will never accept this drastic shift because all of me still believes that there is a core difference in the mindset of both these populations, but that seems to fast fade away, or is on its way to fading away. This stuff is an everyday, “regular” matter here, in Delhi. Bangalore seems to be catching up, unfortunately. I’m not going into the whats and whys and hows because I don’t want to.

There has been a substantial shift in my home city, and I feel it every time I visit home. I love my city, but it isn’t the same, and never will be. January 2017 will mark 20 years since we moved back to this city I’m always proud to call home. It means something. It means everything to me. And it’s heartbreaking at many levels, because here is this pseudo south-Indian, north-born-confused-south-Indian, so to speak, living in that part of the country where being South Indian is novel, and I use that word with great padding. I’m proud of my legacy, which comes from both parts of the country…I really am someone who belongs here and there, and nowhere all at once. But I know where my loyalties lie, even if that means being the odd one out at many a discussion, and jokes. Bangalore was always, in my eyes, a class apart in so many respects, but that voice seems to be getting meeker because of the reality we’re faced with, every day. I guess I will always belong, and not belong. The biggest task has been to understand and accept the differences, the reality of creating a new home which is so far removed from the one I used to call home (and still do). It hasn’t been easy, and I haven’t gotten there yet. But that’s me digressing from what was on my mind all of yesterday – Bangalore, please don’t become the next New Delhi.

Moving on, I still haven’t figured out what it was that I’d decided to write about for my fifth post. Oh well. This isn’t a new feeling, and is one that I experience every single weekend when I walk into my kitchen. My mind is always rife with ideas about the many things I want to make and for us to have together; except when it comes down to actually cooking. What a mindf**k. :P



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