The Puzzle And Its Pieces

12 Jul

With the past few weeks culminating in a very busy weekend, the most I could do come Sunday night was pass out by 9pm and wake up feeling like someone still had that energy-sucking straw stuck in me, the next morning. But when your once packed and routine-filled day suddenly frees up, one doesn’t really know what to do or how really to celebrate this blessing that is free time. And so I let the day flow by languorously, feeling rather odd and out of place; lazily picking up laundry that needed completing, disassembling that growing mountain of unfolded clean clothes that needed folding, and easing into that much needed head massage and head bath, as some sort of consolation prize…because head baths cannot be rushed, you know?

I’ve realised, after all my excited celebration, that it doesn’t rain in this city. Or rather, this city, it seems, is the last to see rain. The clouds just hang around all day like a tease you just don’t want to see anymore – because stationery clouds only mean unbearable humidity. I’ve never, ever seen an unwillingness to just rain and give us some relief, than over here. Of course, the husband says that once it rains, the flooding thanks to the city’s so called drainage system, makes you want to not see water. Oh well.

Yesterday was all about spending time with my family who stays here and with my aunt and uncle who are visiting for my uncle’s chemotherapy. It was a wonderful day filled with conversation after conversation, interspersed with laughter, madness, lots of nail painting, mango snarfing, ice cream gobbling, chai, food, and of course, photographs. There really is no better remedy than finding joy, solace, comfort and love in these small moments. A lot of it involved drawing my uncle out to talk about all that was on his mind – his childhood, his love for food, his stories which eventually led to him speaking about his pain and letting us in on his journey, his battle. It’s a nasty battle and one that is beyond gruelling. But that’s me just skimming what lies on the surface of it all. Sometimes it is important to not shun talking about suffering, pain and hurt. And so we talked and I learned a little more about his journey, his perspective, his understanding – there can be no other way to learn about somebody’s walk than from their own selves.

In the midst of it all, I’ve no idea how time passed us all by. There we were, yapping about the good old times like they happened just yesterday, and here we are now – all of us grown up, our parents inching towards retirement; their faces masked behind the veil of post retirement insecurities and fears, the unanswered questions of what lies next and where they’ll end up – there’s so much we leave unsaid, so much we do not talk about and push under the carpet for that tomorrow which isn’t far away. It really puts things into perspective and makes me look within to see where I stand and just how far I am from handling my duties and responsibilities. It’s real and it’s just around the corner. To not think about it and address these concerns is that sort of denial that’s pleasant to live in – because which child ever wants their parents to grow old? – except it’s that sort of denial which comes with a limited period offer tag. This time warp is an illusion and one that needs snapping out of, immediately.

It really puts our entire life cycle in perspective, especially when faced with the realities that lie ahead of us. They said getting married by a certain time was a good idea and they make sense even now. No, we do not need anyone’s support to get by, because like ma says, humans are born to strive and survive; humans make it through and that’s why we are the species that we are. But to have someone by your side doesn’t indicate weakness or incapability; far from, actually. A time comes when the pieces of this unfinished puzzle start falling into place. All those unanswered whats and whys automatically wither away… I’m beginning to learn that not everything has a verbal answer to it, as I once assumed and very vehemently believed.

Spending time with family and spending time with one’s own self helps put things into place. Whether it’s the continuous circle of life or the endlessly rotating wheel, it’s evident that movement is mandatory. Life goes on and will do. I’m certain no amount of banners, sloganeering and vociferous posts on social media can do a thing about it.

I believe it makes sense to walk on, because time really isn’t stopping for anyone. There’s so much to do, so many things to say, so many unfinished businesses to close and move on from, so many i love yous to say, so many laughs to share, so many kisses to savour…there are just too many things to be done; some good, some unpleasant, some ugly. But the promise of moving on is one that life makes to each of us and it’s an eye-opening one for sure.

*Update – the rains have arrived.

**Latest update – the rains have vanished.


5 Responses to “The Puzzle And Its Pieces”

  1. banteringbangalorean July 12, 2016 at 11:24 AM #

    Just yesterday, Mom and i were talking about moving on and how my brother and i have/will have such different ways of dealing with it… :)

    Wishing your Uncle the very best.

    • Babushka July 12, 2016 at 11:25 AM #

      True no? I’m glad we have these very necessary talks… I’m sure aunty must be feeling great to have been able to speak to you about it. :)

      • banteringbangalorean July 12, 2016 at 11:49 AM #

        Yehaaa. But i’m a goner when it comes to moving on (in our case, the subject was losing people to death). :/

        • Babushka July 12, 2016 at 12:20 PM #

          Oh yes, that’s a totally different level altogether. Sigh

  2. Bonsai July 13, 2016 at 3:53 PM #

    Families can be so complex, but it is important to work on the relationships and show unconditional love. Blood is thick.


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