The One On Validation

7 Jun

Today seems a bit different from what yesterday was like. Starkly different, actually. The past few months after my moving cities and shifting base have been nothing short of consuming on every single front. It’s been an emotional ride to not just pack up and leave but to also try and find some sort of footing in my new surroundings where I have no friends, no acquaintances, just nobody except my family and my husband; which in itself, is a lot and something I’m extremely thankful for. A lot of us never even get that much when we move.

It took a long, long time to accept this newness. When I was leaving Bangalore, I was advised by many to hold on to my job; the one thing that would be constant, a factor that would give me something to fall back on in this sea of unfamiliarity. Sometimes I wish I had listened to them and I find their imaginary I told you so fingers dancing in front of my face. But that wasn’t to be and like I’ve always said, a lot, if not the whole of me, believes that things happen for a reason.

However, I followed my heart and came to this new city armed without a job and far more suitcases than any airline permits for a domestic transfer. It was actually the longest check-in of my life what with 80 kgs in tow? Talk about baggage, I’ve got some serious issues. Puns and digressions aside, I arrived armed with not just that amount of luggage but with some unaccounted amount of courage, bravery and faith. It takes a lot for someone like me to accept change of such a magnitude. I wish I were more daring and fearless…I hope to be, some day. And so I gathered whatever I could and took the plunge.

When I look back at yesterday, it was raw. It consumed a lot out of me to acknowledge and understand what was going on. It took me a long while to figure it out after the many patient, healing and evocative conversations I had with my mother and my self. I spent so many days wondering what it was that I needed to do just so I could feel like I had a purpose, some sort of consolation prize I could walk back with and look at to feel like I was doing something. I remember writing about validation here, here, here, here, here, here, and here way back in 2011! Talk about wanting and needing to feel validated!!

And then I came across this sound clip from a friend of mine where she spoke about the need to validate one’s feelings as she recounted her experience in the labour room and post the delivery of her lovely daughter V. This helped add to what I have been experiencing off late and to help express all that I’ve been thinking about over the past few days. The difference between yesterday and today is stark, like I said. And here’s why.

Yesterday was filled with rawness, newness, of not knowing, of feeling directionless. Yesterday felt like I was stuck in an opacity where my purpose was hidden, unseen, unclear. Yesterday felt like I was useless, not valid, not living up to my dreams and ideals. Yesterday was rife with frustration, uneasiness and a lack of understanding, clarity and everything which makes you want to get up in the morning and go on with your day well stocked with that sense of resolve and justification, you know? It wasn’t as bad as it sounds; however I do vividly recall the days when I felt like the sea around me was too choppy to even try and keep afloat. For someone who always has had a routine and had something to do, it was a very strange place to be in.

It’s not like today is very different from yesterday in terms of a lot. But what makes it different is the presence of self-awareness, acceptance, patience and a lot of validation. In her sound clip, A speaks up about acknowledging and accepting one’s own feelings…of addressing them, most importantly. That’s the difference between yesterday and today, which also hit the spot when I heard her sound byte over the weekend. It’s the understanding and awareness of one’s own feelings which, when addressed, is half the job done.

Today I feel more secure, more in control, more aware, more cognizant of my current state of affairs. Today I’m far more capable of putting myself and my feelings under the spotlight when the need arises. There’s a sense of comfort because I know I have an outlet to hear my own self out. Sometimes it feels like everything’s out of control, that the world has suddenly become too big and too cumbersome to handle and that everything’s just a whistle away from bursting at its seams. It’s at times like these when I deal that we need to talk card to myself. Because when was the last time we addressed ourselves, put ourselves on priority, woke up and cradled our feelings?

That’s the difference between yesterday and today, for me. I’m better able to really enjoy this time I’ve gotten for myself. I’m more comfortable with giving myself that leeway without being harsh or too punitive on my own self. Today is still filled with those odd frustrations, irritations and unwanted thoughts and feelings. But in listening to them, validating them and knowing where they stem from makes it a far more easy task to handle with grace and face. Time, they say, is the biggest healer; and I’ve got to find the person who said this and embrace them.

Validation. I believe many an answer lie in that one act.

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3 Responses to “The One On Validation”

  1. sandhyakml June 7, 2016 at 1:08 PM #

    There’s something so weird and wonderful about how we started our (respective) new chapters of marriage and moving away from home together. Posts like these make me feel less crazy and less alone <3 Thank you, Babushka!

    • Babushka June 7, 2016 at 1:10 PM #

      Yes! Same here :) I believe we have our moms to thank for it at so many levels. Hugs!

  2. banteringbangalorean June 13, 2016 at 8:50 PM #

    Yaaruh oh yaaruh! I’m missing your blog updates. :(

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