To Look The Other Way

At the cost of sounding cynical, negative and even pessimistic, I cannot help but naturally put together everything that seems to (very suddenly) not work for me, into one single big (unjust, might I add) act of the universe trying to teach me something I’ve still not gotten the grasp of. I’ve never ever seen things not go my way to this extreme before. Ever. It comes at a huge expense of testing my very limited resources of patience and tolerance, largely because I’m quite the person to put my hands up and walk out the door rather than be loving, coaxing and patient with something that just doesn’t want to let up. And I’ve taken the liberty of bundling all these unforeseen and very unwanted happenings together so I can perhaps become a little more attentive and perceptive of whatever it is this universe is trying to tell me…the intention, purpose or even subject at hand is still quite at large…I just cannot fathom what I’m doing wrong or what it is that I’m now supposed to do. From my plans to do even the simplest of things not taking shape to my most basic desires not seeing the light of day, to my attempts at being decent on the kitchen front backfiring to even something as necessary as my only connection to the world on a daily basis – this laptop – not working and just giving up in front of me…the list is endless and it just doesn’t seem to s.t.o.p. Needless to say, my frustration levels have been let loose only to take a solid beating. I hate complaining and much as this stupid force wants me to relent and complain, crib or even get angry and perhaps cry, I’m trying my very best to look the other way…to tell myself that it’s not as bad as many, many others have it…that I’ve been given a mind that I can use perfectly to put all this uneasiness to rest.

From multiple crashes, horrible virus attacks, system freezes, data loss, sound systems disappearing, my beloved Google Chrome refusing to open…I’ve made it here because I’ve looked the other way. I’m here, writing, because I didn’t let my Non-IT genius feelings get to me and I kept my ass in one place and sorted this stuff out. It feels more than just great. It’s the stuff these trillion don’t give up quotes are made up of, quite literally. It is empowering to know that we have the capability in us to find and open other doors when all we see is darkness from the closure of doors we banked upon to stay open and never shut. There’s so much to learn…speaking for myself, I know I seldom see enough to even know that there are so many avenues available…so many chances, so many options. It’s humbling and makes me feel so stupid for not being open enough, perceptive enough. Of course, it goes beyond a malfunctioning laptop and its programs, most definitely.

There really is nothing like feeling positive on your own accord, without having been arm-twisted into it. I do believe that every single action, occurrence or experience exists and appears because of a larger force behind it, urging us to see reason when everything seems futile, lost and hopeless. I’m firm on the fact that everything happens for a reason, and most definitely, for whatever is best for each of us…every single thing always has a takeaway, a lesson and a purpose.

Learning: You have a brain, a well-functioning one. Use it.