Notes

4 Mar

I’m almost always thirsty for anything and everything that will give me my shot of peace, quiet and positivity; often-times behaving like this crazy sponge who will reach out for just about whatever it can soak up just to feel a little full, a little complete again. I wonder where all that I desperately soak up, goes, and so fast, because I’ve never been this thirsty before. Never.

Through my multitude searches, I’ve managed to make some mental notes and checks – markers that I hope to stumble upon every time I walk down this much sought after path – to feel more prepared than the last time I visited that very same place. Sometimes it works; I can see it. At most other times, my notes lay crumpled, erased, forgotten, and even strewn around from the violent storms of my very own overpowering thoughts. Every day is a battle. And every day is a choice I find myself making between picking a battle versus settling for whatever I have or with whatever I do not have.

It is hard, but I am doing it because these are the only choices I have right now. The feeling isn’t as limiting, as it is overwhelming.

Here are some notes or reminders that I’ve made for my very own self over the last few days:

  • Time isn’t waiting, and neither must you. If you miss one bus, one moment, make sure you’re ready for the next. It will not wait. It never has. It really never will.
  • Not fighting a battle doesn’t make you weak, no matter how much your mind may urge you to believe otherwise.
  • Starting all over again may be the only choice over stagnation. Take it, no matter how debilitating, tiring, stressful and sometimes humiliating, it may feel.
  • Peace is not going to come from all the plans to feel at peace that you made. It only shows you’re not at peace with what you already have. And what you do not have right now has never made a promise or an assurance to come your way anyway.
  • Turn to something higher, something bigger, something more all-encompassing and just surrender. Not every bag needs to be carried on your shoulder.
  • Surrendering and letting go in no way implies that you’ll get what you want, but only implies that you’re short of one bag to carry should you have really, actually let go of it.
  • Be selfish for your own self. You are responsible for your happiness, sadness and for your own peace – an empty cup can never give.
  • Do not mistake patience for promises. Accept patience for what it really is.
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