From Homesickness To Newness

29 Dec

One of the many things I’ve (almost genetically) taken from my maternal grandfather, and proudly so, is the habit to have all the possible doors, windows, curtains and lights at home open/on; by default, come rain or shine or wind storms, if you must. Therefore it’s not really a Bangalore or Delhi thing to do (as I’d imagined), because while each respective place has its own characteristic mannerisms of ventilation mechanisms and such, this is something I know has come directly from nana. My memories of him encompass his need for fresh air, light and a delightful crispness in his surroundings, and so it isn’t a surprise to find the same practice being followed even now – it’s something I cannot do without and is a very important part of my should and must list of things to do that Albert Ellis (of Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy fame) would’ve loved to have a look at and perhaps even treat. So if you ever randomly walk by a street in the city of my residence and find windows and doors open (safety precautions considered) when all others are closed, you’re very likely to have reached me. There are no two doubts about it. My house help’s distress at the same is of course another debate, what with me feeding the house copious amounts of cold winter breeze and everything that comes along with it.

In connection with my previous post, I’m still (quite) actively seeking connections of home, here. So while I skipped eating from a roadside (and rather shady looking) stall named ‘South Indian Fast Food’ as much as I wanted to run to it and munch through vadas at 30 bucks a pair, I do subconsciously look for places that remind me of Bangalore in their own way. While I dare-say that NCR (National Capital Region) has its fare share of greenery which can compete with that of Bangalore’s, it’s not a trend to find hangout spots situated in green spaces as they are more easily found in Bangalore. Here’s a precious spot that brought in the warm fuzzies of happiness and an allegiance of comfort that was too good to let go of and not capture.

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In between missing home and the barrage of everything that’s packed into missing home, there’s also considerable time and effort spent in understanding the nuances of living with somebody who is family but isn’t like the family you grew up with; someone who is in your very close personal space like no one else has been and whose space you are in; someone whom you love but haven’t figured out the different ways of loving or expressing love through, yet; someone who feels like home and a room mate all in one. It’s baffling (still is and will be to me), challenging, intriguing and interesting; a test, a journey, an experience that (I presume) has been put into place by this universe because of its profound teaching and self-awareness capacities.

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So I’m taking this project of getting to know each other, or in non-geeky terms – dating – as seriously as I can. I must admit that it’s been quite a while and my concepts seem and feel ancient sometimes; however, that isn’t a deterrent. Neither is the fact that going on dates can be so expensive if you like to fancy it up now and then. While I love fancying it up whenever possible, the feeling of being together over cups of chai and conversations, a lot of comfortable silence – sometimes over a drive or under a tree or even standing in the kitchen soaking in some sunlight – or bursting into a song together, is just paramount. The discovery that we’re in a state of absolute being, minus pretence and effort, is beautiful.

Through the process I’ve also learnt how to never have preconceived notions about romance and what have you. It’s as simple as understanding and following the most basic rule of all – the law of subjectivity (which we apply so conveniently to ourselves and not the other person). Of course you already knew that! But guess who’s new on the block and like I said, it’s been such a while. So discoveries, bumps, speed-breakers and surprises galore, I’m walking the dating path with my husband. And it feels cute just having typed that out itself.

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As long as it makes your heart and soul flutter with joy and as long as it also hurts – in equal parts together, you know it’s the real deal, and so I guess it should be.

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