Kaleidoscope

15 Dec

Here’s what I didn’t want to do but did anyway because it has gotten much colder than I’m able to enjoy.

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This, my friends, is what pure jealously feels like. Unadulterated emotion and all that jazz. Of course I don’t really miss the clouds that have been hovering around and over Bangalore for the longest time, but good golly I could use that warmth and run as far away from the many layers I’m wearing…which are more than I would want to count publicly.

No extreme weather is romantic, even with all its added props and paraphernalia of fireplaces and suggested hints of possible warmth. If they ever made it seem romantic, let me tell you that it’s all a lie; a lie. And people like me fell for it. Of course I have no fireplace or even bonfire going, neither do I have the essential heater yet, but I wonder how far that will take me in feeling even close to warm and beachy and peachy as well.

It’s going to be a month since I left home and while I’m not counting the number of days I’ve been away, the realisation does dawn upon me from time to time. I don’t miss Bangalore as a city just yet but I do miss home and its comforts; of just being able to be at home. There’s a desperation with which I’ve been trying to make this space here feel more comforting, warm and welcoming so the feelings of homesickness are buffered well enough. Of course home is the people that make it what it is and so they will always be missed. It’s funny how we are so assimilated into each other’s spaces that we seldom need to consciously interact to feel at ease. However, when it’s time to turn the pages of your book and when spaces shift do you feel the absence and its consequent void. But life moves on and time doles out your required doses of comfort in its own course.

You carry the hearts, memories and associations of the ones you love wherever you go simply because they live in you too. So it feels a little bit more warm when unknown spaces slowly start making sense and bringing in a sense of ease because you breathe into them the kaleidoscope of everything that spells home, comfort and love. We live in each other and that gives me the power to carry on despite the yearning in my heart to meet and spend time with the ones I’ll only always feel at home with. Life moves on and that is warmth enough for now.

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