31 Aug

Disclaimer: a rant you may not want to read.

Disappointment: that one constant that gives you the reality check you either fail to see or choose not to see. Should we be thankful for disappointment or fret about high expectations, that invariably, are the cause of disappointment in the first place? I’m not even sure anymore.

In the piling tensions of must-do lists (that got converted from to-do lists), trying to maintain a balance of one’s escalating pressures and such, sometimes one needs a curve ball of sorts to get things into perspective. Curve balls aren’t really fun, especially when they’re disappointment related, but necessary enough to throw things out of place and have neatly organized thoughts and actions scamper for cover. Or so the gods of balance believe because that’s just a cruel thing to do to anyone who already has issues getting their life and thoughts in order, no?

It was a disappointing Sunday; one that didn’t end the way it began, sadly. After a sleepless night and a mind that refused to sit still (thanks to the chaos that can only be all my thoughts on drugs), it’s a respite to wake up to a new day. Not being one to write about every single detail of my life, I’m here only to channelize the madness inside my head. It’s silent around, I saw the sun rise (which can be the most therapeutic thing ever) and while I haven’t had my shot of caffeine yet (no, thank you), it feels a little calmer already. It helps to write and have this blinking cursor urge me to write some more in order to streamline it all into place, even if what I’m writing makes no sense. Ha.

I’m not sure why disappointment even exists. Is it because we need that one rock-solid thing to keep our expectations and awareness in check or is it to remind us that we’re flying too high to begin with, or is it because we get so carried away and astray from our paths that we have these rather automated systems in place to keep us in check – something like radars that alarm us when we’re off path, I guess? We all do face them at some points in time while some of us are bestowed with the generosity of experiencing them more than we’d like to. It’s painful because I’m sure you know just how intolerable a lost Sunday night’s sleep means, yes? Of course you meant a deeper sort of pain! I’m sorry for being so shallow to place the pain of lost sleep in the same bracket. Haha!

This should be my cue to go hunt for some Rumi magic to percolate through and emerge renewed, filled with Rumi’s wisdom and peace and nirvana. Except, it’s a Monday morning and there are ads to dole out, by the bundle. But I went online anyway, to be all philosophical and here’s some junk that I found. Junk because it’s the exact crap you don’t want to see when you type the word “disappointment” onto Google. It’s also exactly not what you want to feel like especially when you’re low on sleep, endorphins, caffeine, positivism and all those existential must-haves that keep happy people happy. Seriously, what a load is this nonsense I’ve shown you this morning?! Blasphemy of the top-most order. I’m sorry to drag you through the pain of seeing this, with me.


And then because there are constantly happy, self-assured, successful people out there to make a mere mortal feel even more crappy, I went on to indulge in some actual magic. And I swear a dose of Rumi is all you ever need sometimes. Make that all.the.time.


Now this is the slap on the wrist I need, the reprimand my bruised ego needs to hear and that ecstasy I need to actively and aggressively hunt for. It’s a good start. Thank you, Rumi. And Google.

While I go back and retro+introspect on what caused me to lose my sleep, though I’m doubly sure it was my double dose of caffeine that’s to blame first, I’m going to try and soak in the newness of a new day of a new week of a month that has finally decided to end. Seriously August, could you take any longer to get your ass moving? *Chandler voice* Or maybe I just indulge in Rumi some more, get back to work and write some more, because this is the uplifting shizz!

Writing does help, it really really does. Thank you for reading. :) Have a lovely Monday!



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