That State of Being

20 Jan

Words fail me. And yet I attempt to write this blog post and have the gall to use those 3 words at the beginning. Well, I’ve tried to put my thoughts down and have failed so miserably. Call it another one of those traffic jams in my head or a barrage of God knows what that’s burst or just a plain old writer’s block, but here I am, struggling to put my thoughts down today, yet again.

I’ve had so much to share, to tell you about and yet I feel incompetent in every way. The past week has been amazing in every way. Amazing in a way that I haven’t felt in so long. Do you know that feeling of complete and total unattachedness; that feeling where you feel so unattached in a good way? That’s what I woke up feeling last Monday. I remember it so starkly. It feels so clean and it looks so crystal clear. It’s like I feel I owe nobody anything. I don’t owe anyone my thoughts, my feelings, my concerns, my worries, my joys – I owe no one anything. It’s not like I’m at a state of complete and absolute nonchalance where I care two hoots about my family and friends. It’s just that I’m a complete “me” phase which feels so stupendous.

It’s as if someone opened a window for me, a window that gave me a chance to look another way. I don’t know what I saw or see, even now. However, I do know that I feel like the butterfly I always thought me to be. I don’t feel the need to think about yesterday, today or even tomorrow. What is, is. What was, was. And what will be, will be. And there’s not much I want to do about it than just let go and fly. That’s the absolute unattachedness I’m referring to. There’s no onus, there are no questions and there are no answers. There’s just a sense of pure serenity. And I don’t know what the hell happened or triggered it. Like I said, I don’t care. It happened and I’m wallowing in this blissful state. It’s welcome to stay with me as long as it likes because you know what? It’s not very often that we’re granted the luxury of letting every thing just go and spreading our wings, albeit for a short while. I feel alive. I feel like I can do whatever I want to without having to think twice. It’s all good, there are no resentments, there are no dangerous thoughts, there are no liabilities. There’s just an amazing sense of living a life we all struggle so hard to live. And I think that’s what the past week has felt like.

It really isn’t easy to describe. I hope you get to feel what I’m feeling right now or connect with what I’m talking about from your personal experiences. Because trust me, this is that feeling I can’t put my finger on and describe in a word or two. It’s not that feeling which comes by our way that often. It isn’t easy to break free. And it isn’t easy to walk on after letting go.


3 Responses to “That State of Being”

  1. The Girl Next Door January 21, 2013 at 5:59 PM #

    What a beautiful, happy, uplifting, positive post! Loved it!
    Good to know you are in a good place now. :) Take care!


  1. Twirling Around | Babska's Journey - January 22, 2013

    […] ← That State of Being […]


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