Random Thoughts

7 Dec

Everybody’s been talking about how this year just vanished into thin air. And they have every reason to because lo and behold, that summer lunch with friends in May felt like just yesterday. We’re already through the first week of December and I really wonder where time is headed to at the pace it’s speeding by in. Anyhoo. I guess 2012 had to be that kinda year – fast, swift and in a flurry. This isn’t a kaleidoscopic post about 2012 and all its happenings. It’s just a random introspective post. It’s time I stuck my butt to this chair and wrote lest I forget what writing on this blog feels like.

The week so far has been very, very interesting. It involved this and so wonderfully so. I’m a planner. I like things to be in some sort of an order, in my head at least, if nowhere else. Therefore a random trip back home wasn’t even on my mind, forget on my list of things to do. But before I knew it, I was on board my favourite Rajdhani Express, all by myself. So yes, I had to not just accommodate a sudden trip but a sudden trip back home + spending 2 nights in company of absolute strangers ALL alone. I’ve never done that before. Never. I’ve had my share of solo train journeys but a few hours is nothing compared to having a bunk be your bed for 2 whole nights.

And so the train chugged off with an anxious ma and me waving our byes to each other with brave faces on. Long train journeys in India are an experience you must have at least once in your life. You share close spaces with strangers to begin with. Sharing spaces slowly opens up avenues for small chit chat and before you know it, you’re talking to people you think you’ve known all along as you speed by the amazing countryside of India. Landscapes change as nothing looks Deccan Plateau-esque anymore, cuisines change with curry leaves making way for dhania patta (coriander leaves) and so does the entire feeling of moving from one part of the country to the other.

So that was that. I reached home, felt the cold sink into my bones but enjoyed it thoroughly. It’s not often that you get to experience the winters you were brought up in. Time was spent with family over food, lots of conversations, photographs, drives and catching up in general. And before I knew it, I was on my way back to Bangalore. Back to my home away from home. Back to my daily routine. Back to living life the way I live it here.

This week has been a week of realizations; epiphanies if I may call them that. For someone who is such a planner, who likes to chalk her path out, who likes schedules and routines, who organizes everything she possibly can; the past week has been as far removed and dichotomous from my life as can be. I just realized that you can have a million plans and have none of them even come close to what you’re really meant to do. I do believe in fate and destiny a lot. But I’m also someone who believes in the potential and power of standing up and doing something as opposed to sitting and waiting for “destiny” to throw things your way.

So yes, even though I would’ve eventually chalked up a plan to go back to Delhi sometime later, I had to go last week. It’s not something I could avoid or work around. It’s the same thing that struck me when I was on my way back home from the airport. It’s what I tried posting about earlier, about Bangalore not having anything left for me to stay back in. I may have planned to do this, that, the other in this city. But tomorrow, I have no idea where my life’s going to take me. It’s a squeamish feeling to know that your plans may not work out after all; that something you thought would be yours was never meant for yours to be; that efforts you put into something bore fruit far from where you wanted them to harvest; that people you never thought would feature in your life show up from nowhere.

I’m still grappling with the consequences. It’s not easy for a control freak to lose the feeling of control. And that’s what hit me on my way back home this time; 2012 has been a year of just that. 2012 has been everything I hadn’t planned or thought it to be. Not one bit. Maybe that’s why time’s speeding by. Maybe that’s why everything this year has grabbed me by my shoulders and given me a nice, hard shake. Maybe that’s why a lot of me has given up and surrendered with my hands up in submission.  Peculiar is the way in which life functions. And it all boiled down to a train journey for me to connect the dots. Maybe it really is time to keep the planning book away and surrender. If things didn’t go as planned, there’s surely someone else out there with a much better plan for me, right?

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2 Responses to “Random Thoughts”

  1. The Girl Next Door December 7, 2012 at 2:19 PM #

    Lovely post. Could relate to it a lot. The last two years have been all about that for me too – teaching me that life might have other plans for me than the ones I had originally made for myself. And, sometimes, they’re better than what we’d thought for ourselves. :)

    I love to have my life under control, too. But then, I have realised that sometimes, life throws such curve balls at you that you have no other option left but to let go, and grab hold of whatever life gives you at the moment. Sometimes, it is for the best. Do I even make sense?

    • Babushka December 7, 2012 at 2:27 PM #

      Totally! What happens, happens for the best, they say. :)

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