Space

17 Sep

There comes a time when you want nothing more than to make space; space to breathe, space to see, space to walk and move around, space to just live and be. And this desperation balances itself finely on the want of physical, mental and emotional space. I’ve come across many people, especially that of the older/previous generation who just cannot fathom the concept of ‘space’. They brush it aside, rubbish it and ridicule it. Perhaps they have every reason to because it simply doesn’t exist in their worldview. Granted.

However, it’s been an on-going trend that hasn’t taken much to become aware of. The need to break out and just breathe keeps getting stronger. Sometimes it’s because you’re so caught up with the inanities of life. Sometimes it’s because you think too much. Sometimes it’s because you’re cobbled inside situations you didn’t even ask for. Space; the thought of it makes me smile, makes me long for it, makes me want to crumble just so I can sponge it all in and be whole again.

Sometimes I think escapism helps. To shut off mentally, emotionally and physically – it helps. Cutting off. I’ve written about it before. Sometimes, like I said here, it’s the wild card you never thought you’d use. However, it’s not the way I like to function. Experiences don’t mean nothing for me to use that wild card, and very often at that.

Space entails such crucial components. One such of the many being memories and experiences. Whilst one goes about making memories by the second, it’s those same darned things that make it almost impossible to move on. They hold on like clutches that refuse to leave you, like quicksand really…the more you fight them, the stronger they come back at you. The more I try and get my space by crawling away from them, the more in number they come rushing back at me. And that’s where I figured how to take this forward. I’m just going to stop fighting. Now.

I’m going to walk down that path as and when and go with the flow. I’m going to revisit that cafe we used to visit and remember you. I’m going to sit in the passenger seat and go back to the drives we went on. I’m going to read your messages before I hit that delete button and perhaps ponder over that particular exchange of messages. I’m going to look at your photograph and wonder how you are before I stow it or throw it away, whichever. I’m going to look out of that bus window and remember every single trip we made together. I’m going to order that sweet fresh lime soda and imagine you taking the first sip always, even though you know how possessive I am about my food (and drinks). I’m going to look at those cards you made me from scratch before I discard them. I’m going to look at our pictures together before I erase them.

I’m going to go at it just so that I know I’ve tried my best and not fought it without first facing it. And I’m sure I’ll get my space then. In peace.

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2 Responses to “Space”

  1. Preeti Nichani October 5, 2012 at 12:38 PM #

    Speechless !

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