More shenanigans on 25

11 Jul
The more I face and experience every day, the more I believe in being as selfish as my conscience allows me to be. Every day makes me want to do something about/with it that makes ME feel worth my while. It could be about having that plate of cheese burger and fries from our new stall at work or it could be about walking those extra 5 minutes or it could be about doing nothing or it could be about lying spread-eagle, adrift in whatever takes me away momentarily.

I’ve been going through a serious existential overhaul as has been evident from my previous posts. This is one such chapter from the same book. When you’re in a world that thinks about itself, you can’t really be the only moron to stand by and watch the world go by doing its own thing. You’ve got to pick your self up, figure where to go and then actually go. 

And go I did.

Or rather, going I am.

This overhaul is precisely what it stands for – a phase in which everything you believe in or stand by, crumbles. Literally. And you’re left wondering what the hell happened when you weren’t really looking. People came, people went, relationships changed, values got questioned, as did a lot more. And it’s baffling. Because not only are you astounded by the changes around you and within you, you also wonder whatever happened to everything you’ve held so dearly on to. 

We spend our life creating ideals of what should and should not be. We are certain of what love should be like, or what dating must be like, or marriage or parenting or whatever have you. Everything is so black and white sometimes. Or with me at least. It’s an all or none principle. You’re either in love or not, you’re either dating or not, you’re either friends or not, you’re either married or not. There are no 2 ways, or so I thought.

And this is what I mean by the world moving on. Or you getting left behind. Because all of a sudden, there are greys. You can be best friends but break rules you’d sworn by. You can be single but still have the best sex ever. More than twice. You can have options while being in the matrimonial line – dreaming of commitment with one, setting your sex life on fire with the other. I’m astounded by the amount of grey we live in. And it has become so convenient. There are no questions asked, no rules or codes adhered to, no nothing. The world does what it thinks is right to do. Perhaps it’s the way we’re all wired to be. Me first. Survival of the fittest, he called it. 

So given that we’ve moved from concrete, stable and awesome blacks and whites to a world of weird, twisted and interesting greys, what more can one do than to literally get off one’s ass and move on? 

I’m gonna grab that burger, munch on those fries, chew on my thoughts, lie around doing nothing sometimes, treat people as they deserve to be treated – I’m going to swivel my paintbrush around in these shades of greys, right in between the blacks and whites of my canvas. Because there’s really no looking back to something that has ceased to exist. 

2 Responses to “More shenanigans on 25”

  1. hAAthi July 11, 2012 at 2:17 PM #

    Can I just say one thing? This is probably just the beginning of a cycle that will repeat itself every few years :) Or so I have learned.. And I thought it was just me, until I took a look aorund and see so many others like me in varying spaces of existential angst of varying degrees and kinds. It just gets slightly easier with every passing time, thats all. You might as wekk grab those fries, walk those extra 5 minutes, lie around and do nothing, while you can!

  2. Babska July 11, 2012 at 2:22 PM #

    I know this is almost a never-ending thing as more gets piled on one's plate. It's just frustrating to constantly have to find a way out all the time. Because the moment you feel comfortable, you're back in that crazy zone of newness and discomfort all over again. And there's only so much I can watch change around me. Pick and up and move is what it has to be. :)


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