Marriage, it seems.

10 Jan
The purpose of getting married is not just to have babies and prove to the world of relatives and other inconsequential people that “everything is fine”. Yes, I believe that to be one major role that marriage plays, but not the only one. And being a non-member, an outsider to the world of matrimony, I can only imagine what married couples go through – especially the ones who wish to enjoy the first (few) years of their married life with just each other. It astounds me when couples are pregnant months after their wedding, unless of course they wanted to have children immediately. 

There are couples who want to have children but space it out.
There are couples who never want to have children, and with such a steely resolve that it makes me wonder why.
There are couples who get pregnant at the word go!
There are those who try and try.
There are couples who need a distraction, which they sadly believe comes in the form of children.
There are so many kinds of couples – I’ve probably just touched the tip of the iceberg here.

I’m at that phase of life where marriage looms large, where finding a life partner is of prime importance and where the need to “settle down” is sacrosanct almost. So it’s but natural for me to think of all this and ponder about this entire marriage thing. Like I said, I’m an outsider to it all while there are friends around me who’ve taken the plunge and have also started a family. God bless them.

To me the concept of marriage is something like opening a new book. Yes, I know it will have a title, I know it will have as many pages as I would want it to have, that I would co-author it the way I would want to and fill my pages with the words I choose to write. And yes, there would also be chapters, pauses, new paragraphs, blurred words (thanks to printing mistakes), a plot, many characters and of course, it would also have an end – a happily ever after one I hope. That’s all I know about the concept of marriage, that it’s an unexplored concept which only time will grant me the liberty of exploring. Therefore I make my observations from external sources and whatever little I’ve read. 

When I think of such a life-defining concept, I can only think of one thing – welcoming and understanding the other person my life is going to be a part of. I can only think of getting to know him better, for starters. And this is where the heart of my post lies. How much of the other do we really get to know when all one associates with marriage is having babies?

I think we forget that we’re human beings who have needs, thoughts and feelings. We get into the rut of first becoming baby-producing machines and then of becoming parents. We forget that we are a couple, that we were a couple first and then anything else. Of course life’s chapters change priorities, but somewhere down the line, we forget about the ‘couple’ bit. We’re so focused on goals and achievements all the time that we miss everything else in between. 


We lose sight of the fact that sex is more than just for having to reproduce. We’re blessed with having sex for pleasure over and above every other living organism that exists. And yet we miss that out somewhere…it’s interesting to note. I’m sure every woman has a way in which she likes to be touched, held and made love to despite the “obvious” that theory and porn videos (apparently) state. I’m sure every man has a way in which he likes to be perceived, touched and made love with despite what stereotypes have to say. We’ve all got nooks and crannies that matter and that can be found only through communication – verbal and non-verbal. We’ve all got so much more to ourselves than any baby-producing machine can ever have. We’ve got it all. And I write this post because I see so many unhappy people around me who’ve missed the point by a large mark. We’re so keen on what next that the what now remains untouched, unexplored and dormant. 

The same holds good for getting to know each other emotionally and mentally as well. It makes me wonder how deep marriages really are and if we ever give ourselves the priority we so need. Especially for those who’ve spent so much of their time hoping and dreaming for the best.

4 Responses to “Marriage, it seems.”

  1. January 10, 2012 at 6:31 AM #

    Interesting observation. Something Iv mulled over to the moon and back. I belong to the other end of the spectrum. So dead sure about the no-babies habit (for the foreseeable future atleast), to the point of being perceived as selfish. Where people have even asked me why this frenzy to earn money? To do things for your own pleasure? how much more time do you want to yourselves? Why not start a family?I think people dont think about the idea of starting a family, enough. I think it is just an act. A to do to be ticked off life's list. Whereas I think its a conscious responsible decision to make, and very often doesnt get the respect it deserves.

  2. Babska January 10, 2012 at 6:40 AM #

    Yeah that's what I'm talking about as well… it's the idea of doing something because you want to as opposed to doing something for what the entire world wants you to do. We're all in a place where society often trumps individual wants and desires, labeling it whatever it wishes to. I think it's a big thing to live the dreams and hopes we've grown up having.

  3. detuned by default January 10, 2012 at 6:40 AM #

    I whole heartedly agree with you on this! You know, when I got married, the first set of people who came to congratulate me said "Have off a baby, firsht. Then you can yenjoy!" If I wasn't supposed to be so well-mannered on that day, I would've lashed out at that asshole. The whole meaning of marriage has been so wrongly interpreted. And it is thanks to that that we have so many broken families and unhappy couples. On your wedding day, please print out this post and hand it to everyone at the entrance, hehe.

  4. Babska January 10, 2012 at 6:44 AM #

    yeah… and sadly it's not even something any of us can change by just writing, talking or even living our life the way we want to… we'll always be the weird, "something's wrong with them" people. their loss.


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