31 Dec

I’m listening to John Mayer at the loudest volume possible as the sun sets for the last time this year. 
I’m brimming with thoughts as words flow outta my fingers as a party awaits later on.


It’s a curtain fall on 2010. It’s a curtain fall on that much awaited millenium’s decade. And man has A LOT happened.


2010.


It’s been a fucking awesome year.
It’s been an overwhelming year for more reasons than one.
I’ve learnt so much about myself in the process.
I worked at a deaddiction center which I NEVER thought I would ever do.
I saw a friend die.
I got myself pets.
I topped and won a gold medal.
I started teaching.
I started a new venture along with a few friends.
I started baking.
I broke up.
I made new friends in my classmates after my course was over.
I had a crush after so long.
I did my dissertation on photography and therapy.
I traveled.
I partied.
I made the shift of becoming my teachers’ colleague. Which is still very weird.
I saw the ups and downs of a relationship very dear to my heart. Today, the relationship is in tatters but we’re in a much better place. At least I am.
I saw the engagement of a very very close friend of mine.
I saw that same engagement break.
I saw many friends get married. 5 to be precise.
I missed my father just twice this year.
I saw my brother grow up.
I saw what it takes to parent.
I gave myself oodles of confidence.
I combined music and psychology to teach.
I got a(n) anonymous note(s) from students telling me I’m beautiful. Bah.
I wrote my first ever competitive eligibility exam and my future hangs on that.
Or so others think it to be.
I saw love.
I saw love lost.
I saw elation.
I saw sadness.
I saw tears of joy. Tears of pain.
I felt lonely.
I felt at peace.
I felt anger.
I felt irritation.
I felt loathing.
I felt hatred.
I felt disgust.
I felt confused.


There have been times when I’ve been surrounded by people who love me and it’s been awesome. 
There have also been times when I’ve felt so frikkin lonely. 
So lonely that it looks like I’m the only bird flying high in the sky. And then I look back and I see my loved ones flying right behind me. And it’s not long before we’re in formation, just like how it’s supposed to be.


Sometimes. Just sometimes.


Times when I’ve taken a risk.
Times when I’ve fallen. And so damn hard.
Times when I’ve cried tears in my own pillow, waking up to those ugly stains only to tell myself that I will not let anyone trip me. Ever again.
Times when I’ve laughed till my insides burned.
Times when alcohol took over.
Times when everything just stood still.
Times when all I saw around me was hopelessness.
Times when I’ve been validated for who I am.
Times when I’ve been loved for who I am and what I do.


Times when an entire class stood up and applauded me.
Times that are so transient you don’t know when they’ll leave you to come again, if at all.
Times you know are mine and mine only.
Times when people have so much fucking faith in me.
Times when I just can’t be.
Times when all I wish for is peace.


It’s been an overwhelming year. It’s been a year of riches and poverty. It’s been a year of hope and love. It’s been a year of tears and screams of joy. It’s been a year of everyfuckingthing. 


It’s been a rollercoaster year. 


Thank you 2010 for being what you’ve been. I would have you no other way. 


Love you.

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5 Responses to “”

  1. nimster January 2, 2011 at 3:33 PM #

    Happy new year, my lauw. :)

  2. Reynah January 2, 2011 at 7:18 PM #

    =) May you have much more to write in 2011! =)

  3. aparna January 3, 2011 at 5:45 PM #

    i swear, its been a year of mixed emotions, sweet and awkward surprises, of tears and tears of joy!!! A beautiful read…

  4. tharunya January 4, 2011 at 11:40 AM #

    Damn! i miss the "Like" icon here!!!! :)Happy New Year Woman!! :)

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